Last night, I went to "prom" with friends. I enjoyed hanging out with everyone; senior year is almost over. I even experienced my first fried chicken pizza with Jessica afterwards. While we were at prom, though, some girl I don't even know sees me and says (too loudly, clearly), "Why is Kate Finman here?"
I know she doesn't know me, and isn't my judge, but it really bothered me. I can go and enjoy my friends and my classmates if I want to. the gospel gives us a spirit of freedom, setting us free from our sin but also the judgments of others. When no one besides God is perfect, and everyone is on equal grounds - dependent on Him - only His standards matter. It's not about rules, it's about loving the Lord and being grateful for the gift of life, and the many gifts that flow out of it. The whole thing upsets me more the more I think about it.
I try to counter with what I know is true of God. That girl made me feel like I should be ashamed and that I don't belong, but there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ. It's not fair that she gets to have an opinion on me, but John the Baptist and Jesus were judged in the same way. People said John had a demon because he didn't celebrate and drink and eat good food, but then they called Jesus a glutton and a drunkard because he did (Luke 7:32 - 34, paraphrase).
This is me, struggling through a feeble attempt to keep my New Year's resolution of not allowing other people to let me feel guilt and shame. I have to look up, at the cross, daily, and remember that grace has overwhelmed my brokenness and love has set me free.
I sit and read Hosea, the book I need to remind me of who I am to the Lord, and who He is to me, personally.
1:8 And she did not know that it was I who gave her the grain, the wine, and the oil, and who lavished on her silver and gold, which they used for Baal.
2:14-15 Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her. And there I will give her her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. And there she will answer as in the days of her youth, as at the time when she same out of the land of Egypt.
2:19 And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy.
6:3 Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord; his going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth.
11:4 I led them with cords of kindness, with the bands of love, and I became to them as one who eases the yoke on their jaws, and I bent down to them and fed them.
11:7a My people are bent on turning away from me...
11:8b My heart recoils within me; my compassion grows warm and tender.
13:5 It was I who knew you in the wilderness, in the land of drought
The fact that God knows me gets me very time. And Genesis 16, too, when He is known as the God who sees me. He sees me and knows me and still He saves me and loves me. That's why things like last night sting: they whisper the same lie the serpent whispered, that God doesn't love me because of what I do or where I go. But nothing can ever make God stop because He already knows. He yaddas. He sees.
And that's why He says,
14:4 I will heal their apostasy; I will love them freely, for my anger has turned from them.
14:7 They shall return and dwell beneath my shadow; they shall flourish like the grain; they shall blossom like the grain; they shall blossom like the vine; their fame shall be like the wine of Lebanon.
from 14:8 ...It is I who answer and look after you...
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