When Your Project Changes

The blessings wall

Remember a few posts back when I said I have been learning to give myself permission to fail, to be wrong, and to quit? 

I am about as far down as I can comfortably go on the blessings wall and still be able to read in bed without feeling the rustling of paper against my head. As I've traveled the eucharisteo journey the last few weeks, I have found myself living a little more slowly, and a little more thoughtfully, thankfully. I have loved walking in the room and recalling all the things I'm thankful for. 

But as the wall filled, I realized that it would drive me nuts to have much more space covered like that. I am also bothered by the amount of paper I am using; it's really adding up. This project was more short-lived than I anticipated, but I feel good about allowing it to change. 

I will leave the wall up, but I will only add to it the dozen or so slips I have already cut. I will continue to be thankful, and to "lean into the ugly and whisper thanks", but I will do so in my journal, and perhaps, now and then, on this blog. Thanks for following along. 

I am going to try to list all of the blessings on my wall without missing any...sorry if there are repeats; this is going to be tough. 

johnson days*striving to keep Jesus the main thing*being invited, even if I have no interest in going*cooking with kathryn*being alone in the library*dreams for the future*Christmas blend VIA past holiday season*kathryn's involvement in my life*quiet conversation*stereotypical banana peel on the sidewalk*january rain*answered expectations*crunchy snow*josh's laugh*wide-eyed excited teen boys*chick peas mashed over leafy spinach*seniors being nice to each other just because it's our last chance*pre-Easter service interest*his wounds have paid my ransom*tears of joy*fresh basil*a heart overflowing with praise*being in debt to grace. o to grace!*light dancing in doorways*quiet worship with my guitar and my God*more garlic*winter sunset runs*pole tape conforming to my hand*air kicking in for a stifling hot room*wrath that makes glory and mercy known*hour long breakfasts*coffee and donuts*being awake before dining commons, and the sun*pausing life to admire dusk*running daily to the found of Christ's blood to be cleansed of filth*sleepless mornings becoming jump starts for the day*isaac: but Piper, yo. Piper, yo*laughter with sisters in Christ*worship music in the kitchen*kids devouring the Bible*kids too tired to stay awake a second longer*the promise of new life*kind-hearted teasing*being part of a gospel-preaching church*Easter at Eaton: the early stages*fruit smash*last first day of school plans*not taking track too seriously*distance girls weight room invasion*I am new*big hugs from gentle giants*warm laundry fresh out of the dryer*stadium lights*unexpectedly good communication*professors laughing at your reason for taking their course*thoughtfulness from peers*kind RAs*heros of faith*sharing a meal with someone new*hanging out in the times in between*people excited about doing life together*feeling accomplished*meow meow runs*a meet official who makes fun of your teammate with you*adults who know you are nice to them, but that you really want to talk to their child*father-son high fives*kids running in to church, late*being at the library for fun, not homework*not always agreeing, but enjoying learning one another*knowing who I am*being a little rambunctious at student government*cookies for breakfast*going to class and learning new things*having many places to call home*feeling of authenticity*community*room-filling laughter*sitting in bed eating fruity oatmeal*reactions caused by tie-dye tights*post-meet workouts*drink-y friends with thanks for you driving home at night*every opportunity to praise the Lord*long distance prayer requests that bind the body together*God's perfection amidst our chaos*jokes between friends*jane's reminder to pray for friendships*tangent insights from maggie*college boys acting like goons*hearing my heart beat in the silence of a new day*newborns*little girl hugs*going to bed knowing that His mercies are new each morning*sun that makes the day sparkle*rain glistening on the rooftop*mentor-friends*fruitful fellowship*quinn energy*agreement on track philosophy*new drills with good form*explaining things to freshmen*a coach will to slow you down*knowing glances between worship team members*jason brother love*trespasses not counted against me*good strong coffee in the morning*intimacy with the Father so that tears blur words and speak for themselves*wearing betsy's packer shirt*discussing the prospect of bioethics haikus with betsy over text*spice blends*falling down, and standing up again*parents who love their kids and each other*church greeting time*footprints in the snow*reunion with my advisor*love from "a tough guy"*coach betsy*'serious' questions you can't help but laugh at*facilitation of intellectual stimulation*wolof-ing*dead raised to life*coming aching and desperate to the cross*local coffee shops*tiny florets of broccoli peppering the counter*His promises as my delight*old men cracking jokes*spicy chai*the right song stuck in my head*cooking and baking to relieve someone's burden*hot soup after a cold run*God enabling sinners to see our sin*blessings lavished on continual sinners*girlfriends who get it*seeing a friend; pausing in an awkward place*chats with Bethany*long hugs before another separation*phone calls with sisters while getting dressed*an outfit that makes you feel like you can conquer the world*negative splitting a great run with great friends*praying in Scripture*friends with out own language*having a private experience of God in a room full of people*making your academics work for you*servant leadership*the grace to run just five more minutes*icy echoing walk ways*peace when I need it most*out of breath, and loving it*outfits that make you feel as cool and classy as kathryn hepburn*international "texting"*Sabbath rest*strong winds under blue sky*finding more questions in the so-called answers*catching your professor a little off guard*spirit-filled prayer*dorky professors*surprisingly warm weather*thinking in new ways*sisters*spontaneous fellowship*eating a whole big bag of reese's pieces in one sitting*sweatpants after church days*Betsy's crocheting*being loved*church choirs and their directors*pole vault pit naps*bare skin on soft sheets*jane days*having a spring semester saturday off*commons dupes*praying to desire God*casual but not sloppy clothes*easy access to clean water*excitement over a worn shirt that smells like its owner*Jesus' rescue of my soul*being less sore after practice than before it*journals with pretty bookmarks*maddie: I love hymns. and church*surprise reunions*runners who step out into a dark, wet, grey day and say, 'oh, it's nice!'*clean socks*grace around the 'family' dinner table*wearing a yellow dress on an incredibly dreary day*slow, plodding deliberate steps*water - ice cold from sitting by the window*neon running clothes and shoes*finishing a breath-taking book and realizing that the last page is only the beginning*feeling healthy*grounds in my coffee*pink clouds frosting the sky out my window*soft, sweet, slow tears*nit nitay garabam*distance kids and hurdle drills*long, tired showers*grateful hugs*cheese curling off the grater and onto the plate*new friends*testimonies of more mature believers*car tops covered in light frost*an abs partner with whom to high five upon completion*being able to use muscles and make them sore*lungs filled with cold, crisp air*academic excitement for new perspectives*moms and their kids*onion tears*worship as the body of Christ*pastor tim's jokes*beloit's rich history*laughing loudly in public*genuine excitement about being in class*biblical humor*Jesus being bigger than my failures*old hymnals*opportunity to learn from someone with more experience*friends with whom to share Christmas candy*friends to tell me which class I have when*God's word ministering to me personally*beloit professors*old document smell*the historic nature of Easter at Eaton 2013*fred, the archivist*calm mornings without urgency, even to leave my room at all*sunday breakfasts*friends who make fun of me*God's timing being best*children choosing to be baptized as disciples*fathers and their kids*breaking down fresh beef*brisk weather

Wow! That was a much bigger block of text than I even realized. I am glad this list made me aware of so many blessings; I especially like the ones that deal with people. God has given me so many gifts in the lives of those around me, and I am thankful for them all.