As a general statement, I think it's fair to say that our world is failing at preparing us for marriage. If it were succeeding, we wouldn't have over a 50% divorce rate. On one side, we hear live together, have sex, date a lot of people, get married when you feel like it, and when you fall out of love move on to someone else. On the other, we get, don't have sex, don't date, don't get too close to someone, get married and be together forever whether you're in love anymore or not. There are, of course, exceptions to these generalizations, and this may not be exactly what's being said, but it's certainly what's being heard, understood, and applied.
I said this because today, I listened to an awesome sermon: The Respectful Wife (Mark Driscoll). I'm not a wife. I don't see myself becoming a wife for quite awhile yet. And this sermon was preached directly towards married women. I was not the target audience, but I learned so much! I was able to take a serious look at my quarrelsome nature (my desire to always be right and have the last word), and my tendency to nag and how that could cause me to disrespect my future husband, and ultimately hinder his ability to lead the way God has designed him to.
As I listened, and prayerfully thought through what I was learning, I said, "Wow, isn't it great that I'm identifying these attitude patterns now as a single rather than when I'm already married?" Right now I can look at what my weaknesses and sins are in this area, and pray about them and practice implementing more respectful language and attitudes with others (especially other authorities) in my life. This way, when (if) I do get married, I will be more prepared to respect my husband and honor Christ through doing so. I will also be more aware of the traps I can fall into, and be able to ask him to help me and pray for me. Another thing the sermon really stressed was praying for your husband. I have been praying for my future husband for over two years now, but somewhat inconsistently. I keep a notebook of letters and prayers for him, but it's pretty sporadic. I didn't have as strong of an idea of what to pray, or that it was so important for him. It strengthened my desire to pray for him regularly and to take this seriously. Even though the sermon said nothing about future husbands and wives, there were so many values that can be instilled right now.
If our churches want to see healthy marriages, we have to be encouraging this kind of thinking in singles. I love that the Bible says that the Proverbs 31 woman does her husband good "all the days of her life". It doesn't say "all the days of their marriage", but "all the days of her LIFE". This means she does him good before she even meets him. This means that I am praying for him, waiting for him for all things, and strengthening my own character through the power of the Holy Spirit. I can not expect a strong man of God if I am not first a strong woman of God. I want to be that respectful wife some day whose husband will say, you have done me good all the days of your life. In When God Writes Your Love Story, by Eric and Leslie Ludy, they claim that they have the best marriage in the world, and they challenge young adults to cultivate an even better marriage than theirs, drawing from Romans 12...out-do one another in showing honor. I want that! I want to love and serve someone who is committed to seeing the glory of Jesus Christ revealed in our marriage. A wife who disrespects her husband is like the church that disrespects Jesus. That may be a tough comparison to swallow, but it's reality. We have the opportunity to foster a healthy marriage far beyond the "Yes, I will", and "I do", or even the "Hello". If you start cultivating a good marriage when you're married, things will be much more difficult than if you learn these things before you even meet your future spouse.
I highly recommend this sermon for all women, single or married, because of the valuable wisdom it imparts. In case you missed it, it's The Respectful Wife by Mark Driscoll (His wife, Grace, wrote about much of what he says in the book the couple wrote together). It's free and easy to get on itunes, so please, check it out.
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