Fifty Shades of Hatred

If you don't get this reference, don't read this post. I am so sick of having to read about and talk about this ridiculous "book". I hate this book, and hate is a strong strong word, but I believe 50 Shades deserves it.

One of my fellow coaches came into work last week and said:

"Hey, have you heard of that one book - 50 Shades of Grey - I'm sure you have"

Me: "Yeah, I've heard of it alright?"

Her: "What have you heard?"

Me: "It's porn. It is straight up porn and it's a sad excuse for literature"

Her: "What?! I started reading it and there's a million grammatical errors. It's driving me crazy. And this author needs a thesaurus and the girl is so annoying"

Me: "Well it started out as Twilight fan fiction"

Her: "That explains a lot, actually"

A number of days go by, and I ask,

"Hey, how's 50 Shades going?"

Her: "It's still bad, and now also disturbing."

Me: "You should seriously stop reading it"

Her: "I can't"

Me: "You already admitted that the characters are lame, the author can't write, and now you're disturbed. What motivation do you have to continue?"

She repeatedly avoiding giving any answer.

Some people try to argue this book (series. yes, there are THREE of these) is good for married couples' sex lives because it gets them aroused. News flash: Anything or anyone other than your spouse that excites you is inappropriate, impure, and defiled. Purity does not end when you get married, it is a daily battle to keep the marriage bed undefiled.

I hate this book because it is feeding lie upon lie about what sex, marriage, and sexuality were designed to look like. I hate the way people are falling for every single one of these lies. I hate that we have to listen to people talk about how awesome this book is. I hate that it's captured so much of our attention. If I didn't have more productive things to do with my time, I'd map out 50 ways in which I hate this book.

Also, they're making a movie out of it. I've read all the reviews on the book, and I really want to know how they're going to be able to give it anything under an X rating.