Save Me From Myself

Colorado has been such a blessing. Every time I come visit my friends, I am amazed at the new things the Lord wants to show me.

Like last night. A lot of the team has testimonies on the Culture Shock website (a book they wrote), about living lives in purity and walking with God. This week, it was decided that I was going to film a testimony. I started prepping on Monday and was scheduled to film on Thursday. I couldn't decide which way I wanted to tell my story. I kept getting blocked. I wrote it out, practiced, but it didn't feel authentic. So come film time, I was kind of a mess.

I went down to the studio with an amazing friend of mine, Courtney. I was supposed to pick a word that described my testimony (examples like mercy, redemption, faithfulness). I didn't even know my word yet! She gave me a look, but eventually I picked sovereignty. As we did the screen and audio tests, I got so nervous. I was not ready. What was the problem? I'd told this story before, even to Courtney. Ok, so she prayed over me (Thank You Lord!) and it was time to start.

My name is Kate, and this is my story. So far so good. But it went downhill from there. As I talked about some of the messy things growing up, like my parents, I kept crying. Now, for these videos it was ok to cry as long as it didn't interfere with people hearing your story. I could pause and regain composure if I wanted. Well at one point it was so bad, we had to turn the camera off. By the time I choked by way through the story, it was not very usable. She let me cry on her. She affirmed that this was stuff that had to come out, and I couldn't just shove it down. Once I calmed down some, Courtney remarked how I had managed to make a small, backless stool comfortable. I laughed and said that's what I do. She wisely said, making things comfortable doesn't fix the problem. We sat for awhile before she gave me some choices.Courtney looked at me and said I could either do it again, have someone else in the room with me, or tell it from the 3rd person. I told her I needed to get on prayer before anything else happened.

Exodus 15:26b says For I am the Lord who heals you. That's what God wanted to do. But He needed me to give Him my wounded heart. I could just hide things away; I had to draw them out into the open. And wow, do I hate doing that! I'm perfectly content to keep pressing forward pretending things are fine. But that's not how we grow. I am so thankful for this home, and for Courtney especially for allowing the Holy Spirit to move through her.

So I got off prayer, and it was time for dinner. After dinner was all cleaned up, it was time for Tim's testimony. His went off without a hitch. I was up for round 2. We did the screen tests, and shot the fluff footage. Then Courtney left the room and let me record by myself. Having her there highlighted the rawness of it all.

Later, Court and I were hanging out playing guitar. When we finally declared bedtime, she said, "Is it going to be ok" Me: "I think so". Court: "And not just push everything back down?" Me: "Noooo", to which she said, "Don't lie!"

Working through my past is a process. I don't get it out there once and that's that. I have to continually rely on the cross to define me and to shape my life.



Lord, thank You for saving me from myself and the hurt I try to hide behind. Thank You especially for Your faithful servant Courtney and all the ways You move in her. I love You, Lord.

Kiddo quote of the day "Sing a song in tongues! A worship song in tongues!" Alissa, age 10.
Only at the Generations of Virtue House


The LORD your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. James 5:16