Friday, March 29, 2013

A Night for the Ugly Beautiful

My heart drops to my stomach as I hang up the phone; I suddenly feel as though I'm gasping for every breath.

It's a night for the ugly beautiful.

Can I, right now, say, the lines are falling for me in pleasant places? Can I say my inheritance is beautiful?

It's a night for red eyes and labored breath and avoiding your hall-mates on the way to the bathroom so they won't have to ask what's wrong

It's a night for fleece blankets and the ugliest sweater and softest leggings

It's a night to replay the soothing words like broken cassette tapes that won't stop repeating

I open my journal to write it out, and I see a quote from the Jesus Storybook Bible

But God's plan was still working

Heart still heavy, I pick up my guitar, foolishly thinking I can sing and play and worship but not actually have to feel anything or mean what I'm saying

I know what I should play, but I don't want to - I can't say that 

But as I lean away from God, He draws me into the Holy of holies, and I sing,

I'm trading my sorrows...I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord 
Yes Lord, Yes Lord, Yes, Yes Lord

Yes, Lord. I will take what You give me, and I will be grateful, because

One act of thanksgiving when things go wrong with us is worth a thousand when things are agreeable to our inclinations  - Saint John of Avila

It's a night for too much ice cream

It's a night for hearts pounding

It's a night for breathing like you just finished a 5k

It's a night to sing,

I will enter His gates with thanksgiving in my heart
I will enter His courts with praise 
I will say this is the day that the Lord has made 
I will rejoice for He has made me glad

He has made me glad
He has made me glad
I will rejoice for He has made me gla-a-ad
He has made me glad
He has made me glad 
I will rejoice for He has made me glad

It's a night to stare up at the biggest ugly-beautiful, the cross, the tomb and remember how the story ends; hope is coming.

It's a night for cell phones on loud and charged and not out of your sight for a second, just in case

It's a night for waiting and wondering and helplessness

It's a night for the ugly beautiful








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