Why Don't I Call?

I spend a lot of time not at home, and this year, a lot of time not at school. I have friends and family that I love. I like when they call me and we talk. It's nice. But I rarely just pick up the phone and call someone.

I have an idea or two as to why.

The first is that I am not a gifted conversationalist. I sit there and well, just sit. I often reach for something to say, even in person, so the phone amplifies my problems. For me, it's enough just to be with someone, which doesn't work so well over the phone.

The second is that I like knowing people are there but it is enough just to know they exist. My dad, mom, sister, friends, aunts/uncles, grandparents...I like knowing they're there. And again, if they call me, we talk, and it's nice.

The third reason is maybe just my age. I like spending time in different environments with different people figuring out what I think about what's going on in my life and the world I'm living in. Sometimes hearing familiar voices makes me seek their approval in a way that's not necessarily healthy. I change what I think to fit what I think they want me to say. I'm a pleaser.

So...if knowing I exist is not enough for you, it's ok to call, but I probably won't call you unless expressly asked. I like floating in and out of places right now - checking in, hugging, staying up late talking, and then packing up for what's next. Maybe that'll change, maybe it will have to, but I like my life right now.