One Letter Changes Everything

I have little trouble admitting that I can be a stubborn control freak with trust issues. And for those of you reading who haven't known me my whole life, I used to be a lot worse! The problem comes when it comes to letting God change that. Control is the last thing I want to give up. I would do insane gymnastics moves but be afraid of even the smallest roller coaster - because I had no control over it.

So when a friend told me about palms down palms up prayer back in November, I listened to her experiences, but it wasn't something I could do. I could say I wanted to let go, and tell the Lord to change me, but the physical representation would be far too much for me. For those of you who don't know, you put your palms down, releasing anything you're holding on to. Then, when you're ready, you turn your palms up and let God give you His joy and peace.

A few days ago, I realized that this was where my relationship with Christ was leading me. I was going to have to give up. So when I rose at 5, I gathered my Bible, journal, soft music, and coffee mug, and went downstairs. I had a lot on my mind; there's a lot going on in this world, and as much as it upsets me, I can't control it or even do that much right now. So I put my hands out in front of me, palms down and told God what was going on in my heart. I sat for a few moments before I was ready to flip my hands over. Letting go had been easier than I thought. It was the letting God that was the hard part.

I got to thinking about how He'd been waiting for this very day my whole life, of all the steps He's had to watch me take - often two forward with one back, or at times, even one forward and six backward. He'd already set me free through Jesus Christ - almost 2,000 years ago. He's been working on me for that long. And here I was, so stubborn and afraid to let Him do what He's had planned forever.

So I turned my palms over. My descriptions of how I felt will never do it justice. But I can say, it was a flooding of the most sincere joy and peace one can ever feel. I felt my heart filling up so that it was almost overflowing with the love of a Savior. I let go, and let God. It was saying that I can't, and then asking for help. I need to do this daily, to die and to be saved from myself.




Therefore I will look unto the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation: my God will hear me. Micah 7:7

I affirm by the pride in you that I have in Christ Jesus our Lord: I die every day! 1 Corinthians 15:31