But this I call to mind

It's been awhile, I know. Blah blah excuses blah.

Anyway, I'm in Wisconsin at my parents' house now, and things weren't quite what I expected in coming back here. My mom is pretty sick (which I knew) but I didn't really know how sick (the last time I saw her, at Christmas, she was still working and overall pretty well). It turns out it's pretty bad, and once I got over the shock of it, I saw the sadness and the difficulty.

I was processing all this and laying in my room texting friends and I just kept crying and then, from the depths of my heart,

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: 
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; 
his mercies never come to an end; 
they are new every morning; 
great is your faithfulness. 

Lamentations 3:21-23 

Lamentations is a book written by Jeremiah when everything is going pretty much as far south as it gets. And yet he has hope. He remembers the Lord in the midst of it.

And for me, what does it mean, in the day to day, to have hope?

Today, it meant I moved on. I did sun salutations. I tried to meet needs. I made a vegan lunch for my veg-curious aunt who was coming over. (In case you're wondering what I made, it was baked sweet potato loaded with salsa verde, garlic steamed broccoli and fresh avocado, a kale salad massaged with smoked hummus and lime juice, black bean and corn salad, and strawberries and blueberries for dessert). I ate a fresh, normal, meal with a normal person just wanting to eat healthier. I answered questions about what I eat and shared philosophies from Michael Pollan, "eat food. not too much. mostly plants" and every vegan blogger ever "a bean. a green. a grain" "eat food as close to its natural state as possible". My aunt called the meal such a treat and it reminded me that eating actual meals is a good thing. It's life giving.

After she left, my mom started crying as she thanked me. I realized that I don't have to be a nurse to love her well. I can do the things I know, the things I'm good at, and that's enough.