Today was the first official day with all of the J127 students, and we kept things relatively relaxed, doing our chapel and devotions, with more of a fun intro class time, personality test, long walk, and general get to know you type things. I also snuck in the time to write a bunch of my first paper (due Monday) and continue to read for said paper. I'm amazed, though, at how God really prepared me this summer. So much of writing like this is a lot of reading, and most of the grunt work is already done - books have been read and saved, notes have been taken, and praise the Lord, old papers have been found, including research I didn't use then but will absolutely be using now! I'm organized, but also a compulsive delete-r, which I think actually goes hand in hand if you really think about it. I am ultra excited for everything that's going to be happening.
On another more serious note, last night and this morning in prayer, God really convicted me on the way I approached this semester. I went because I felt like He was telling me to, and then instead of listening to His heart on this, I justified it with my own logic. I would have a great time with people I love. I would get to travel. I would be able to write a unique paper and integrate it into my final thesis. I would be doing my Beloit education in a way that hasn't really been done, yet is so completely Beloit. And the part that really sickens me is that it was a total spiritual leader power trip. I would be in charge of discipling the young adults who would come to the program.
On this point, I remembered the leadership training series we did with InterVarsity awhile back. It gave characteristics of leaders, and the one that stuck out to me was "Leader as Patient". What I gained from that study was that when you lead, you have to be aware of your brokenness and your own need of healing. You need to know that it has to be the Spirit of God moving through you in order for it to work. You need to recognize that God does not need you. I was particularly struck by this thought early this morning. This program would be running, regardless of whether or not I were here. I realized that I really have no clue what I'm doing, and I will deeply need my Savior and King to guide me through this season.
The verse I got late last night that prompted all of this was:
At that time Jesus declared, “I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little children; Matthew 11:25
I spent so much of this summer academically and theologically engaged, that I really need to be brought back to that child-like faith level.
Lord Jesus, bring me to my knees. Let my heart bow down before you, for you alone are worthy. With you is all wisdom, and you will reign forevermore. You have perfected love, my King; show it to me, deeper and deeper. Let me rely on you and your Spirit for every word that comes out of my mouth, that I would reflect your glory and that lives would be changed by the power of the cross and your great name. Lord, be present, and be my center. Be my all in all. Thank you for hearing my prayers. Thank you for dying that my prayers would be heard and would be answered. Thank you, Lord, for everything you are about to do. In Jesus' Name, Amen
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