Alissa and Betsy introduced me to the concept of "dress accordingly" Fridays. How you dress on Friday determines how your weekend is going to go. Every Friday, is of course, important on some level, especially if you are at a less-involved kind of track meet that weekend, but there are certain Fridays that mean more.
The Friday that means the most is New Years Eve. No, it is technically not always on a real Friday, but Friday is the end of the week the way NYE is the end of the year. How you dress on NYE determines the spirit of your year.
Tomorrow is a very important Friday. It is the Friday before the last spring break ever. And it is also the day that the commencement speaker will be announced. This meant that I came over to Betsy's house to help her fold laundry so that her wardrobe would be at its full potential. We debated about lucky pink headbands and zebra spankies.
In case you're wondering, I'm wearing a black sweater dress with tights and gold flats. And the gold scarf with the glitter knowledge I'm going to style my hair in the way that makes everyone think I got it cut.
Also, I'm on track to finish a journal tomorrow. Which means I get special Kate and Jesus time and I'm so excited about that!
Now that you know, you have no excuse.
Dress accordingly.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Respect Your Own Experiences
Dr. Joanne Terrell from Chicago Theological Seminary was the second speaker in the series I kicked off on John 14:6. She and I were theologically incompatible; I found much of what she said to be unbiblical and a twisting of text to fit a certain goal.
That being said, she said something at dinner that I found very meaningful.
Respect You Own Experiences
Appreciate what's happened to you, the good and the bad and the in between
Dare I say, euchariseto?
Respect where you came from, the road you took, the people who walked with you, and the place you are right now.
Respect the bumps on the path, the times you've fallen, the times you've been pushed, the dark clouds overhead, and the times you felt lost.
Respect the hands that steadied you, the grace you received to carry on, and the transformative power of life's lessons.
Respect what you know and what you don't.
Respect your failures and your mistakes and everyone who's told you no.
Respect your successes and your blessed accidents.
Respect who you were, are and are becoming.
Respect your own experiences, because they are the only ones you have.
That being said, she said something at dinner that I found very meaningful.
Respect You Own Experiences
Appreciate what's happened to you, the good and the bad and the in between
Dare I say, euchariseto?
Respect where you came from, the road you took, the people who walked with you, and the place you are right now.
Respect the bumps on the path, the times you've fallen, the times you've been pushed, the dark clouds overhead, and the times you felt lost.
Respect the hands that steadied you, the grace you received to carry on, and the transformative power of life's lessons.
Respect what you know and what you don't.
Respect your failures and your mistakes and everyone who's told you no.
Respect your successes and your blessed accidents.
Respect who you were, are and are becoming.
Respect your own experiences, because they are the only ones you have.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Almost Break
I finished the only thing I had to do that could possibly be mistaken for a midterm. I don't know why, but I rarely have to take real midterms. Two weeks ago, I had an exam? That almost counts, right? Thanks to #lockdown2013 I finished all my other homework already so I'm going to coast through the next few days.
I canceled my thesis advising meeting because I don't think it would be that helpful right now and I don't want to waste my very busy professors' time.
Friday, we find out who will be speaking at graduation. Betsy and I talked about it, and at this point, regardless of whether or not we win, it was a good thing for us to do. We got to talk about how we felt about Beloit a whole lot and what it's meant to go through life together. And, if we don't win, we're just going to throw our own little party and give the speech to our friends. Good plan, right?
And then, it's spring break. I'm pretty excited for this one, and have begun prepping by doing important things like checking the weather forecast, making a packing list, and buying lifesavers for the flight.
I wish I could just go ahead and skip the next three days of classes but unfortunately life doesn't work that way.
I also feel like a jerk because everyone's really stressed and I'm not at all. That's not my fault, though, I guess.
Almost break, emphasis on the almost
I canceled my thesis advising meeting because I don't think it would be that helpful right now and I don't want to waste my very busy professors' time.
Friday, we find out who will be speaking at graduation. Betsy and I talked about it, and at this point, regardless of whether or not we win, it was a good thing for us to do. We got to talk about how we felt about Beloit a whole lot and what it's meant to go through life together. And, if we don't win, we're just going to throw our own little party and give the speech to our friends. Good plan, right?
And then, it's spring break. I'm pretty excited for this one, and have begun prepping by doing important things like checking the weather forecast, making a packing list, and buying lifesavers for the flight.
I wish I could just go ahead and skip the next three days of classes but unfortunately life doesn't work that way.
I also feel like a jerk because everyone's really stressed and I'm not at all. That's not my fault, though, I guess.
Almost break, emphasis on the almost
Monday, February 25, 2013
All I Ever Did
Readers who've been around the block a few times know how I feel about the woman at the well in John 4. I am blown away every single time. I am currently reading Arthur Pink's commentary on the book of John, going ever so slowly through my favorite Gospel.
Today focused on the woman's questions to Christ, and the revelation of His character to her. As I read, I saw myself.
I cried as I read the woman's testimony,
Come, see a man who told me all that I ever did. (verse 29a)
I cried even now, typing right here.
All I ever did.
That's terrifying.
Every lie, every moment of anger, everything.
All I ever did.
Jesus knows all I ever did, He knows all I am, and He still invites me to drink from His living water.
Jesus knows me - He yadda-s me - and He still loves me with an everlasting love.
I have always loved Genesis 16:13-14, and the name Hagar uses for the Lord.
So she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, "You are a God of seeing," for she said, "Truly here I have seen him who looks after me." Therefore the well was called Beer-lahai-roi (Well of the Living One who sees me); it lies between Kadesh and Bered.
The Living One sees me and knows all I ever did and loves me still.
Yalla Baax Na
Today focused on the woman's questions to Christ, and the revelation of His character to her. As I read, I saw myself.
I cried as I read the woman's testimony,
Come, see a man who told me all that I ever did. (verse 29a)
I cried even now, typing right here.
All I ever did.
That's terrifying.
Every lie, every moment of anger, everything.
All I ever did.
Jesus knows all I ever did, He knows all I am, and He still invites me to drink from His living water.
Jesus knows me - He yadda-s me - and He still loves me with an everlasting love.
I have always loved Genesis 16:13-14, and the name Hagar uses for the Lord.
So she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, "You are a God of seeing," for she said, "Truly here I have seen him who looks after me." Therefore the well was called Beer-lahai-roi (Well of the Living One who sees me); it lies between Kadesh and Bered.
The Living One sees me and knows all I ever did and loves me still.
Yalla Baax Na
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Ugly Beautiful
Conference weekend can be full of excitement, but also disappointment. I watched, stunned, as Matt exited early from the pole vault competition - when he could have had a record and a medal - and instead barely placed. I stood rubbing Sara's back as she threw up over and over again after her race, crying tears of frustration and pain and embarrassment. I moved slowly, eager for the ice that would ease the sore achilles, tired and weary and sore, so very sore. I sat with Maddie in her room as her eyes brimmed full about her stress with her boyfriend that had haunted her while we were gone.
"You would be very ashamed if you knew what the experiences you call setbacks, upheavals, pointless disturbances, and tedious annoyances really are. You would realize that your complaints about them are nothing more nor less than blasphemies - though that never occurs to you. Nothing happens to you except by the will of God, and yet God's beloved children curse it because they do not know what it is" Jean-Pierre de Caussade
This is a hard truth.
Setbacks
Upheavals
Pointless disturbances
Tedious annoyances
I complain about those things. About people not being on time. People not understanding my needs. Poor communication. Lack of organization. Kinks in the schedules. Wrenches in my plans. People intruding on my time, disrupting me, just generally bothering me.
Caussade's quote turns bitter as I turn it over in my mouth.
Blasphemy
I, as God's child, curse His will because I do not recognize it.
I am Job's wife, a foolish woman who only wants gifts from God that I like and that seem pleasant to me, and not ones that I cannot understand. I don't want to thank the Lord for crazy head coaches and track meets running late and uncomfortable buses and horrible movies I can't avoid and loud people I don't agree with and friends who are far away.
But His ways are higher (Isaiah 55:8-9). His ways are higher, and His plans are to prosper (Jeremiah 29:11) and He is making all things work together for my good (Romans 8:28). All things, all good, all the time.
And again, I remember Job. The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be His name.
Can that really be true?
Can I live like it is?
"That Serpent, he's slithered with the lie that God doesn't give good but gives rocks in the mouth, leaves us to starve empty in the wilderness and we'll just have to take lessons from Satan on how to take the stones of the careless God and make them into bread to feed our own hungry souls...{But the Son of God says} there is only one way to live full and it is 'by every word that comes from the mouth of God' ...And it's the Word of God that turns the rocks in the mouth to loaves on the tongue. That fills our emptiness with the true and real good, that makes the eyes see, the body full of light" Ann Voskamp
The promises of God are what turn our ugly chaos into a display of perfect peace and beautiful sovereignty.
God's will is for the ultimate good, and as I learn to love His will, I can be thankful for all things at all times. I can thank God in everything, no matter what the circumstances may be, I can be thankful and give thanks, for this is the will of God for me in Christ Jesus, the revealer and Mediator of that will (my take on 1 Thessalonians 5:18, AMP).
O Lord, let me love Your will. Let me recognize all of Your gifts, even the ones I am least inclined to like. Let me sing praise just as loudly when You take away as when You give. Blessed be Your name.
"One act of thanksgiving, when things go wrong with us, is worth a thousand thanks when things are agreeable to our inclinations" Saint John of Avila
Amen
"You would be very ashamed if you knew what the experiences you call setbacks, upheavals, pointless disturbances, and tedious annoyances really are. You would realize that your complaints about them are nothing more nor less than blasphemies - though that never occurs to you. Nothing happens to you except by the will of God, and yet God's beloved children curse it because they do not know what it is" Jean-Pierre de Caussade
This is a hard truth.
Setbacks
Upheavals
Pointless disturbances
Tedious annoyances
I complain about those things. About people not being on time. People not understanding my needs. Poor communication. Lack of organization. Kinks in the schedules. Wrenches in my plans. People intruding on my time, disrupting me, just generally bothering me.
Caussade's quote turns bitter as I turn it over in my mouth.
Blasphemy
I, as God's child, curse His will because I do not recognize it.
I am Job's wife, a foolish woman who only wants gifts from God that I like and that seem pleasant to me, and not ones that I cannot understand. I don't want to thank the Lord for crazy head coaches and track meets running late and uncomfortable buses and horrible movies I can't avoid and loud people I don't agree with and friends who are far away.
But His ways are higher (Isaiah 55:8-9). His ways are higher, and His plans are to prosper (Jeremiah 29:11) and He is making all things work together for my good (Romans 8:28). All things, all good, all the time.
And again, I remember Job. The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be His name.
Can that really be true?
Can I live like it is?
"That Serpent, he's slithered with the lie that God doesn't give good but gives rocks in the mouth, leaves us to starve empty in the wilderness and we'll just have to take lessons from Satan on how to take the stones of the careless God and make them into bread to feed our own hungry souls...{But the Son of God says} there is only one way to live full and it is 'by every word that comes from the mouth of God' ...And it's the Word of God that turns the rocks in the mouth to loaves on the tongue. That fills our emptiness with the true and real good, that makes the eyes see, the body full of light" Ann Voskamp
The promises of God are what turn our ugly chaos into a display of perfect peace and beautiful sovereignty.
God's will is for the ultimate good, and as I learn to love His will, I can be thankful for all things at all times. I can thank God in everything, no matter what the circumstances may be, I can be thankful and give thanks, for this is the will of God for me in Christ Jesus, the revealer and Mediator of that will (my take on 1 Thessalonians 5:18, AMP).
O Lord, let me love Your will. Let me recognize all of Your gifts, even the ones I am least inclined to like. Let me sing praise just as loudly when You take away as when You give. Blessed be Your name.
"One act of thanksgiving, when things go wrong with us, is worth a thousand thanks when things are agreeable to our inclinations" Saint John of Avila
Amen
Background
There may be a slew of posts coming. I was in the fun towns of Galesburg, IL and wherever Monmouth College is (Monmouth? who knows) all weekend doing sports. I had a season best, which is the same height I jumped my sophomore year of high school. Meh, but it's fine. In any event, I didn't bring my computer because I hate traveling with my computer in general, and especially to track meets. Not worth it. Plus with a smart phone and a kindle, it's overkill for a two-day trip.
This is the background on my computer. I see it copious times per day, and though I've heard the quote a thousand times, I was reflecting on it in my journal on Friday
Maybe this quote is over done, and maybe I think about it too much, but I love it. I love thinking about what it means to be satisfied in the Lord. When I am satisfied in Christ, I am not afraid. God is glorified in my trust in His faithfulness. When I am satisfied, my heart sings praise. God is glorified in worship of spirit and truth. When I am satisfied, I can love my neighbor because I have no other needs - I can meet theirs. God is glorified when His commandments are obeyed. The more satisfied I am in my Savior, the more His glory is revealed in and through me. How amazing the grace that's brought me here.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
A Taste of Understanding
I wrote last year about some of the shootings that seem to be occurring more frequently, saying that we can never understand what it might feel like to be under attack.
Today, during my lunch/study time, Beloit put its emergency text/call/email alert plan into action. They told us:
"Beloit College is experiencing an emergency situation on campus. Stay where you are, lock your door and stay away from windows until further instructions are provided.
70 minutes in, I remember to be glad I brought my laptop with me at all this morning.
I suddenly just want to take a nap.
You would think if you couldn't do anything else, you might actually do your homework. This is proving is be only a half truth for me. Clearly.
76 minutes. I'm getting bored. I have one more chapter of my Ethics of Evangelism book to annotate, food hole supplies to buy, neon outfits to select, conference to pack for, nails to paint purple and sparkly. I'm assuming, of course, that the lack of further information means that things are getting less serious and not more. Also, we are getting dangerously close to my 2pm mark here.
I guess my strange Monday was only the beginning of an even stranger week.
80 minutes in, Betsy says that the gun guy is in the apartment complex next to the sorority. She doesn't have to go to her class.
We're going to present our graduation speech at 10pm on Monday. How strange. But we weren't available Friday or Saturday or Sunday or any other time Monday. I wonder if Justine, the class officer with whom I communicated, realized that I always used the "we", only needing to consult Betsy for one of the half dozen questions. It reminds me of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants character, Lena, saying that "We...are us"
95 minutes in, converted the word document of our speech draft to kindle. I'm not bringing my computer this weekend, and I just learned how to do that thanks to amazon tech support chat yesterday. It looks just like any other kindle book. It's pretty cool. You can also do things like make pdfs of the library book chapter you need and send those to kindle. SO COOL.
I'm really impressed with technology.
I'll let you know when this lockdown sitch is over.
Just realized that I had a handful of lockdowns last year. Weird.
100 minutes in, we are now free to move around whatever building we're in. I wish I were at home (read: my room). Hopefully this means we're closing in on freedom.
Oh, and I did finish my book. 46 minutes remain for my laptop.
114 minutes in, and now my laptop has 1:10. This is weird.
We have now hit the two hour mark. I might stop telling you the time frame in minutes now.
2 hours, 25 minutes in. Received word from good old Beloit College to stay indoors on lockdown. Laptop battery has 36 minutes left. Trying to conserve. Doing my reading for Tuesday class. The pros of having your fully loaded backpack with you during a lock down. I still wish I'd been in my room, though.
And so, 2 hours and 40 minutes in, we received the all clear sign.
Lockdown over.
Today, during my lunch/study time, Beloit put its emergency text/call/email alert plan into action. They told us:
"Beloit College is experiencing an emergency situation on campus. Stay where you are, lock your door and stay away from windows until further instructions are provided.
This is an automated message intended to quickly warn you of this threat. Specific details are coming ASAP. Until then, TAKE COVER. Do not open your door for anyone unless they can positively identify themselves as law enforcement officials or emergency responders. This is NOT a test. More information is coming"
It was pretty scary. I had been alone in a room in a central building - and I stepped outside as an entire body received that information. We didn't know what to do or where to go; we had questions - what is this emergency situation - and our hearts leapt to the worst.
Could there be a gunman, here?
Is that possible?
You don't want to think so, but then again,
Why Aurora?
Why Newton?
Did they ever think that it could be them?
Texts came pouring in from my friends, as we all wanted to make sure the other was safe and give assurance that we were all in this together, confused and a little afraid.
I cancel my 1:00 with our staff worker. He says, be safe. He'll pray. Keep him posted
After what felt like far too long, we were told: there is a person wandering a few blocks from campus, believed to be armed. Remain where you are.
Someone just walked by, in the hallway outside my room, appropriately enough, "The Spirituality Room", saying, "I think I heard a gun shot"
My heart leapt a little.
I wanted to know, where is this person? What is going on? If he/she is near me, then Betsy and Alissa are safer. If this person is near them, I am safer.
29 minutes have ticked by, fast and slow all at the same time.
Betsy just said - Near kappa delta. Definitely a gun.
Far from me.
Close to her.
She said her and her roommate are sitting near the bathroom, feeling like puking.
And even if there are no causalities, none wounded, none killed, violence has won, because in these moments, we do not feel 100% safe.
I text my pastor's wife, remembering she works here. She left work early today. She is praying from home.
It is now 39 minutes since the first text, 18 since the second.
No more information.
If it were just one gun, with the Beloit Police, wouldn't it be ok by now?
Is this a precaution; how real is this?
We sit and wait. Texting. Refreshing our emails. Watching. Waiting.
Praying.
Maddie is very upset. I texted her Romans 8:31 awhile ago. We've been connected through our phones, rejoicing over our Father's ultimate goodness.
Alissa thinks there is some follow up going on - just to be sure.
Betsy asks if I heard sirens.
I didn't. Did she?
No.
So it's a quiet emergency that is speaking volumes in its silence.
46 minutes in. Still remembering that instant visceral worry concern fear. Hoping to receive the all clear soon, and go back to normal.
Normal.
Because we have a much better chance of that than the communities in which innocents died. We faced the potential, so maybe we have a small taste of understanding, but I hold to my original sentiments that we will not know what it is like to be ravaged by senseless violence until we are. When the potentiality becomes an actuality, we might know.
52 minutes in, a reminder to stay put. Details to come.
Another text from Betsy - twitter is getting real funny.
It is.
We all feel pretty ok at this point, so we're making jokes.
Will those with 2pm class still have to go?
Will we have to run outside this afternoon?
Nap time
Drinking time
What kind of food do I have in my room time.
1 hour in
This is not a terribly interesting live blog. I'm hoping this is over by 2, because I have stuff to do outside the spirituality room. My laptop battery also only has about an hour and a half of juice left.
This is not a terribly interesting live blog. I'm hoping this is over by 2, because I have stuff to do outside the spirituality room. My laptop battery also only has about an hour and a half of juice left.
70 minutes in, I remember to be glad I brought my laptop with me at all this morning.
I suddenly just want to take a nap.
You would think if you couldn't do anything else, you might actually do your homework. This is proving is be only a half truth for me. Clearly.
76 minutes. I'm getting bored. I have one more chapter of my Ethics of Evangelism book to annotate, food hole supplies to buy, neon outfits to select, conference to pack for, nails to paint purple and sparkly. I'm assuming, of course, that the lack of further information means that things are getting less serious and not more. Also, we are getting dangerously close to my 2pm mark here.
I guess my strange Monday was only the beginning of an even stranger week.
80 minutes in, Betsy says that the gun guy is in the apartment complex next to the sorority. She doesn't have to go to her class.
We're going to present our graduation speech at 10pm on Monday. How strange. But we weren't available Friday or Saturday or Sunday or any other time Monday. I wonder if Justine, the class officer with whom I communicated, realized that I always used the "we", only needing to consult Betsy for one of the half dozen questions. It reminds me of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants character, Lena, saying that "We...are us"
95 minutes in, converted the word document of our speech draft to kindle. I'm not bringing my computer this weekend, and I just learned how to do that thanks to amazon tech support chat yesterday. It looks just like any other kindle book. It's pretty cool. You can also do things like make pdfs of the library book chapter you need and send those to kindle. SO COOL.
I'm really impressed with technology.
I'll let you know when this lockdown sitch is over.
Just realized that I had a handful of lockdowns last year. Weird.
100 minutes in, we are now free to move around whatever building we're in. I wish I were at home (read: my room). Hopefully this means we're closing in on freedom.
Oh, and I did finish my book. 46 minutes remain for my laptop.
114 minutes in, and now my laptop has 1:10. This is weird.
We have now hit the two hour mark. I might stop telling you the time frame in minutes now.
2 hours, 25 minutes in. Received word from good old Beloit College to stay indoors on lockdown. Laptop battery has 36 minutes left. Trying to conserve. Doing my reading for Tuesday class. The pros of having your fully loaded backpack with you during a lock down. I still wish I'd been in my room, though.
And so, 2 hours and 40 minutes in, we received the all clear sign.
Lockdown over.
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