Ella

Ella has been mentioned here before. She is four years old and my constant headache (heartache)? 

At the beginning of the preschool year, she would just scream and cry because mom and dad weren't home. She would talk to herself, trying to calm down. 

She has now graduated to open defiance. First of all, I can never discern whether she is talking to herself or to me. She calls herself honey, but she frequently calls me that as well. Staying in line is a challenge for her, as well as not skipping to the front and keeping her hands to herself. The look on her face she has while hitting or pushing another child is one of malice and spite. She is doing it on purpose. This leads to her frequently sitting with me. 

Since our preschool has a specific structure for discipline, I am expected to follow it. 

When I see her misbehaving, I point it out and let her know her choices. 

"Ella, I see you are having a hard time keeping your hands to your own body. You may choose to set them in your lap or put them on your head. If you choose to keeping touching our friends, you will be sitting with me" 

As the offense continues, I remove her, saying, "I see you chose not to keep your hands to your own body. Come sit with me now". She usually wants to sit on my lap at this point, and as long as she is looking at me, I'm fine with it ( she is an adorable child, really). Now I can tell she hates discipline because she always gets quiet and sometimes starts shaking. 

"Ella, why are you sitting here?" 

"I don't know" 

"Ella, you are sitting here because you are having a hard time keeping your hands to your own body. Why are you sitting here?" 

"I don't know" 

After repeating this 3-4 times, I decided maybe she wasn't getting it, so I did a test. 

"Ella, my favorite color is yellow. What is my favorite color?" 

"Yellow" 

"Ella, we have rules to keep all of our bodies safe. Why so we have rules?" 

"To keep all the bodies safe" 

"Ella, we go to preschool to learn new things and have fun. Why do we go to preschool?" 

"To learn and have fun" 

"Ella, you are sitting here because you are having a hard time keeping your hands to your own body. Why are you sitting here?" 

"I don't know" 

It is now crystal clear she is doing it on purpose. She cannot rejoin the activity until she can tell me why she had to sit out. I continue to offer opportunities to her but she ends up sitting out at least half of gymnastics. 

I tell you this story because Ella is my every day reminder that sin is real. We sin on purpose. We are bad on purpose. We defy God on purpose. 

But when we turn to him instead of from him, he welcomes us. We repent and he receives. We are free to join in and rejoice in him. 

Sin is real

And so is grace.