Do Not Be Anxious

Sometimes I start to worry about the fact that I don't have a concrete thesis topic yet or really solid leads on a job/interviews. I'm putting work in, but it feels like nothing's happening, and it's hard not to be anxious about all this.

There's a Wolof proverb that says, "Invoke God, but plow your fields". It means to trust God, but also to walk in faith, keep making moves.

There's also Philippians 4:6-7 and Matthew 6:25-34.

I know I don't need to be anxious, and that everything will turn out fine if I keep going, but sometimes I still am. Life, I guess.

I think the hardest part is not comparing myself to other people. I look at friends who are going to interviews or even landing jobs or being accepted to graduate school or getting married and/or finishing or researching very specific theses, and I feel like I'm so far behind.

 I think that people waste far too much time and energy in comparisons, and place far too much value on them. Further, I remember my psychology teacher in high school's poignant illustration of how we always compare up instead of down. He knew one of his students ice skated, so he asked, "Leah, how are you at ice skating?"She said, "I'm ok I guess". Our teacher then said, "Well, are you better than Kyle?" Leah said, "He doesn't skate" He said, "Well then you're better than him. Are you better than Kelly?" Leah said, "Yeah, she skates socially once in awhile". He went on with just about everyone else in this class before going on to say, "We have established that you are the best ice skater in this room. When you supposed that you were ok, who were you comparing yourself to?" Leah said, "There are a lot of people better than I am". Our teacher then said, "And there are even more who aren't".

Similarly, someone told my parents at my first national gymnastics meet that the ratios of competitive gymnastics broke down to something like this:

1,000,000 girls in the US take some form of recreational (non competitive) gymnastics each year
Only 100,000 of those will ever compete in levels 1-6 (a compulsory progression in which each level has a set of routines that every girl performs)
10,000 make it to optional levels 7-9 (the next set of levels in which each level has requirements, but gymnastics are free to make up their own routines and choose their own music).
1,000 will compete at the highest numbered level, 10.
Of these, 100 will qualify as elite. Elites are the ones who are eligible to make the national team and compete with people like Gabby Douglas.
The number who makes the national team can vary, but this year there were 15.
5 of these girls will make the US Olympic team
2 will be eligible to compete in the Olympic all-around finals, if they qualify at all, because there is no guarantee.
And only 1 of the 24 competitors from around the world will stand on top of the podium.

It is good to remember that you are not the best, but you are not the worst either. Two years ago, I wrote about what I learned from coming in last at the NCAA Midwest Regional cross country race. I was the worst that day, but I was better than so many Americans who couldn't even run one mile, much  less over three.

So it is ever important not to worry about everyone else and what they are doing. You can only control your own thoughts, so as long as you keep plugging along, you have no reason to be upset.