It's been awhile...

I swear I've been doing so many handstands. And holding them for so long. And making shapes and pressing in and out. But. The pictures. Bless. 

Here's a cool arm balance instead 

Pictures don't do them justice,

But cold air definitely makes mountains look better 

Fireplace handstand

Ebenezer

I've probably told everyone in the blogosphere about my love for the word Ebenezer at least a dozen times. It's in one of my favorite classic hymns, and is seen in the Bible in 1 Samuel 7:12 

Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen and called its name Ebenezer; for he said, "Till now the Lord has helped us". 

The same way that stone was a monument to what God has done, so is my Bible. Lately I've been opening my Bible to read it and instead of digging right in, I hold it and I feel still, held, loved and known. God has met me literally thousands of times in this book. The pages are worn, ripped and falling out. There are verses I can barely read because they've been circled, underlined and starred in three or four different colored pens, and then been spilled with water, tears and tea. There are notes from sermons and haikus and comments and cross references and the names of people I love so much. 

I know the Bible brings up a lot of different things for a lot of different people. To some it's a book of rules, to others it's another mark to which they'll never measure up. To some it's the source of the justifications for how they've been abused, excluded or hurt, to others it's just a book, and to others it's another thing they should be doing. Dear friend, I don't know your story. I don't know what your history is with this book. 

But I know mine.

I know the power of this written word in my life. I know that the Lord has made Himself known to me through these words. I know that it breathes life to my soul and allows me to drink deeply from the fountain of living water. I honestly can't remember a time when I thought, "I should really read my Bible more". It's never felt like that to me. The "read the Bible in a year plans" baffle me. A year? How about a month? I don't do rules like that (generally. I am doing the change your mind plan right now. But if I want to read something else, I do. I can read John's gospel if I want even though I'm knee deep in Psalms). I trust that the Holy Spirit is alive and working and drawing me closer into the arms of my dear Savior. 

Sometimes I'm in sin and conviction cuts deep (seriously. try reading Romans and holding onto your sin. I dare you), but I know what God has for me on the other side is so much better and He is faithful to show it to me. Sometimes I am scared, lost, confused, angry, sad, lonely or weary and I have no idea how it's possible that Jesus is the ruling and reigning King over this mess right now. Sometimes the hurt is so deep that it's all I can do to read one verse or passage over and over again. And that is totally fine. Do you really think God cares how many times you read the Bible in your life (and this is coming from someone who reads the Bible several times through a year)? Do you think you'll get a prize for reading 10 chapters every day when you get to Heaven? God doesn't want your reading plans and text notes and the Greek verbs you've parsed. He wants YOU. He wants you so badly that He wrote you 66 beautiful letters to invite you into an intimate relationship with Him. That's a God I am so thankful I get to know. That's why I read my Bible: because I can. I have been gifted the privilege of knowing the Lord of the Universe. I want to read the written word every day until I die and see the Living Word face to face and start to see History (His-story) from the redeemed, resurrected and restored side of things. Then, I will know Him fully, but until that day, I'm going to press in and meet Him as often as I can. 

So, tonight, I'm sitting by the fire. I read the Psalms all the way through for the tenth time tonight. And then I just sat there and savored God's presence, because there is truly nothing more beautiful than the One who has created me to know, enjoy and glorify Him my whole life long. 

Return, O my soul, to your rest, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you. Psalm 116:7 

Until now, the Lord has helped me. 

Relaxed approach

I've decided not to be a legalist about the handstand a day. If it happens, it happebs; if not, whatever. 

Glow in the dark handstand

Star league sleepover 2015 

When the only way out is through

Last night I had my first really terrible yoga practice. I have never felt like that during a class before. I wasn't tired, or tight - physically I was totally fine, but I had so much negativity coming up. I didn't enjoy it at all. I felt I was almost going to cry and laid down early. It's hard for me to even describe...grumpy, dejected, just yucky and not good. I started recited Psalm 23 at the end just to keep my mind still and focused on the greatness and goodness of God.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want 
He makes me lie down in green pastures 
He leads me beside still waters; 
He restores my soul. 

When I'm like this, my reaction is to back away. It's to hide, to shrink. But sometimes the answer is actually to lean in instead of push away. I was in bed all cuddled up, staring at my spare guitar (aka roommate Jordan's that she never plays). I know from Scripture and from experience that God honors obedience. Worshiping when I don't want to, when it hurts like hell and makes no sense to sing, glorifies God. It says that I acknowledge Him as greater than my feelings. My fickle heart is prone to wander but I know that it is restless until it finds rest in Jesus. And so in these moments, when I least feel like it, I crawl out of my hole and I start singing

Blessed be the name of the Lord 
Blessed by Your name 
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name 

Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say 

It is well, it is well with my soul 

Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him 

How I've proved Him o'er and o'er 

Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus

O for grace to trust Him more 

Great is Thy faithfulness!

Great is Thy faithfulness! 

Morning by morning new mercies I see 

All I have needed Thy hand has provided 

Great is Thy faithfulness Lord unto me 

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall 

Still be my vision, O Ruler of all

What heights of love, what depths of peace 

When fears are stilled, when strivings cease 

My comforter, my all in all, 

Here in the love of Christ I stand

Thou awakest us to delight in Thy praise; for Thou madest us for Thyself, and our heart is restless, until it repose in Thee. St. Augustine, Confessions 

Lean into the ugly. Whisper thanks to transfigure it to beauty. Give thanks for all things at all times, because He is all good. Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts 

Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys. C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters