Friendship

On my 25th birthday, I shared these beautiful words by Nayyirah Waheed

And I said to my body, softly, 
"I want to be your friend" 
It took a long breath and replied, 
"I have been waiting my whole life for this" 

This is my intention for this year, and for the rest of my life.

My body has done amazing things for me, as a gymnast, as a sprinter, as a distance runner, as a pole vaulter, as a coach, and now as a yogi. But I have never been a very good friend to it. This spring, when I was struggling again - so much that several of my coworkers were concerned - I returned more or less to normal physically, but mentally, I asked why instead of how.

I imagine that there are people who get a message from their body about a need, and ask how they can fill it. They are tired so they sleep, they are full so they stop eating, they are cold so they put on a sweater, their clothes are too big so they alter them or get new ones, they are hungry so they eat.

I, on the other hand, have made why my home, why does my body think it needs that? Why is it trying to trick me?

I am tired, so I drink coffee 

I am full so I throw up

I am cold so I start moving more

My clothes are big so I blame vanity sizing for making extra smalls to big, or age for wearing them out

I am hungry, so I consider all I've eaten and done and ask if I really need anything else.

If you are in the first camp, this may sound insane to you, but it has often been my reality. I read Waheed's words, and I feel like now, finally, I am ready to accept the friendship my body has offered me.

I had the privilege this week to have some beautiful pictures taken by a photographer visiting from LA (@nyamaste on instagram if you want to check him out). I am finally seeing the beauty in myself that others have been telling me about from the last year or so. All my body wanted was yada - to know, to be known, to be deeply loved and respected.  I think I can do that now.

Here are some of my favorites:

 

Can you guess which one is my number one ;)

Beloit - Did you like it?

This week, my dear sister in Christ Abigail was killed in a tragic car accident, along with her fiance. There's not really a gentle or casual way to say it. I was shocked, I am sad, but I am also sure, sure that she is with Jesus, sure that I will see her again.

Yesterday, an incoming senior in high school considering Beloit asked me if I liked it. I've written before about how much I love and appreciate Beloit, but this week, the sentiment feels especially strong. Watching the Beloit community mourn Abigail and Darrell's deaths, and celebrate their lives is so striking, so beautiful, so warming.

Beloit is a place where you are known. While there are some anonymous beloiters, they are few and far between. I don't have the words to express what my heart feels for Beloit this week, but suffice it to say -

Yes. I liked it very much.