Black Pants Review

As of the winter session, my company is requiring solid black bottoms for all coaches. In an effort to scope out the best, I have reviewed my favorites, and have the ones worth mentioning here.

My criteria include:

Price. I will rate with $ for 20 or less, $$ for  $21-$50 and $$$ for $51 plus. This will reflect full retail price, and not any sales, discounts or deals you might find, but these will be noted.

Fit. For reference, I am just a hair under 5'6" and a size 0-4 depending on my mood and the clothes, and wear a waist size 25 in pants that use this highly superior sizing system (cough, gap, cough).  The rating will include what size I have and how it works.

Feel. Over all comfort.

Foam pit. I work with kids. I spend time around foam almost every day, and I don't need to take it home with me.

Sweat. How do they do in hot yoga? I often go from studio to gym to studio to gym and I want pants that can make a quick transition.

I've also divided things into categories:

High Waist (which I think are pretty much superior to just about anything else)
Regular Legging
Sweat Pants

(I have a couple pairs of shorts, but 1. it's not a priority right now and 2. I'm not super particular about them, so I'm not going to be reviewing them right now)

I will * my top pick in each category

High Waist

*Girlfriend Collective

• Price: $$$, however, they are currently running a deal where you are only paying for shipping from their factory, and it's $20. I highly recommend this before the opportunity runs out! 
• Fit: I ordered an XS and they fit perfectly. 
• Feel: These are so soft! Definitely high quality feel. 
• Foam Pit: No foam pit at home for me! 
• Sweat: They stay nice and dry, no matter how hot or humid the room. I can run to the store or whatever right after and not feel gross 

Overall: It's no secret, I love this legging. They're a local (to me) company using recycled water bottles to make excellent leggings. For $20, they are so worth it! I also intend to make another purchase when the company officially launches next year.

90 Degrees by Reflex

• Price: $, and prime shipping from amazon
• Fit: XS, fits great, nice and long to tuck under my heel
• Feel: Nothing special 
• Foam Pit: No pit here! 
• Sweat: They rate surprisingly well here. I didn't expect much, but they hold up quite well in that hot room. 

Overall: These aren't anything special, but they are pretty cheap, so if you're not picky, they could be a solid bet for you.

Old Navy Active Go Dry 

• Price: $ 
• Fit: XS, great, extra long 
• Feel: nothing special, like the 90 Degrees 
• Foam Pit: plays nice 
• Sweat: Again, better than expected

Overall: You'll be hearing more later, but I was disappointed in these. They are solid, and I wear them enough, but they are not a favorite.

Alo High Waisted Airbrush
Note: I technically only have these in navy, but you'll here why I wouldn't order the black 

• Price: $$$
• Fit: XS, a little gapey in the back sometimes 
• Feel: A little thicker than other leggings 
• Foam Pit: Attack of the pit pieces! It is my biggest problem with Alo. 
• Sweat: Good but not great 

Overall: I love these leggings. I do. I think they look great and I especially love them when I'm going to non heated classes, or for contortion or other things, but they are not the ideal hot yoga or preschool gymnastics coach pants


Regular Legging 

*Old Navy Active

• Price: $
• Fit: XS, great 
• Feel: So freaking soft 
• Foam pit: No issues 
• Sweat: Awesome

Overall: Once upon a time, a coworker was selling some clothes she didn't want anymore. I bought these leggings from her for $7 and they have remained a favorite to this day. I have scoured Old Navy looking for this legging to come back, or for something similar and have been unsuccessful. It is very annoying. 

Fabletics Salar Capri 

• Price: $$ 
• Fit: XXS, good. In general I don't like capris, but these came free with something else so why not. 
• Feel: Pretty average 
• Foam Pit: Nothing 
• Sweat: Good. They can feel a little thick or heavy, but they do stay dry. 

 Overall:  These are ok, but they mostly sit near the bottom of the drawer unless my shorts are dirty and pants seem too hot. They get more action during the summer than other times of year. 

Alo Coast Legging 

• Price: $$$
• Fit: S. I got them from a coworker who couldn't return them. They fit fine, but an XS would probably be better 
• Feel: These have mesh detail and stirrups and are pretty soft to boot! 
• Foam Pit: the pit hates these pants 
• Sweat: Pretty good. This is one of the lighter feeling alo leggings to me and a favorite of mine in the hot room 

Overall: These are super cute. I get a lot of compliments on them, and the stirrups are so fun! I wish they did better with that foam pit though. 

Lululemon Reversible Wunder Under

• Price: $$$
• Fit: A 4 works great here 
• Feel: Soft, but nothing special  
• Foam Pit: nothing too crazy, a mild attraction 
• Sweat: they can feel a little warm, but mostly keep it dry 

Overall:  What's great about these in my situation in particular is that I can have a solid black legging on one side and a solid magenta one on the other. But beyond that, they're nothing extraordinary. 

*Onzie Women's Long Legging

• Price: $$ 
• Fit: XS. It says long, but I think they're pretty normal. 
• Feel: My favorite part - they're so light they feel like you're not wearing pants! 
• Foam Pit: no attraction 
• Sweat: Super quick drying 

Overall: These are a great legging. They look nice, feel good, and will take you anywhere. 

Gap Active Mesh Detail 
note: totally not what they are called, but I don't know so I'm just being descriptive

• Price: $$$
• Fit: S, a little weird around the ankles 
• Feel: So soft. The mesh is so minimal that it's not weird or scratchy or anything
• Foam pit: pretty good 
• Sweat: A little thick, pretty dry 

Overall: These leggings are another really cute looking pair, and they're functional enough. Good luck finding them again. Gap's active wear is so hit or miss for me and I haven't found any more of their pants to be worth trying in a long time. 

Sweat Pants
Note: in general, I dislike sweatpants. However, there are times when it comes in handy to have a pair you like. I tried two pairs. 

Alo Revive Pant 

• Price: $$$
• Fit: S, roomy and comfy 
• Feel: crazy soft 
• Foam pit: much better than expected 
• Sweat: n/a  

Overall: These are so cozy and great for lounging around the house or sleeping in. However, they don't look super professional and aren't my favorite for at work. I still do it though, especially if I'm coming right from a shower at a studio.

*Champion Jogger

• Price: $$
• Fit: S, Elizabeth told me they were too big 
• Feel: Not crazy soft, but cozy enough 
• Foam pit: no issues 
• Sweat: n/a 

 Overall: I like these, and they've become my go to when I'm wearing shorts underneath anyway. Maybe an XS would have been better. I also love the pockets. 


To recap: If you're still reading this, get your butt over to Girlfriend Collective and order yourself the best $20 leggings you'll find. Beyond that, may the odds be ever in your favor.
 

 

 

Why I'm Not At Your Church

My church recently closed, and although I wasn't looking forward to finding a new home, I didn't think it would be too difficult.

I have been on 4 first dates with churches in the city, and let me tell you, it is hard (to be fair, I didn't hate one of them but it only meets at night and that's harder for me).  I fell in love with Jesus and His Word first, the local church some time later, and the city I call home some years after that. Finding their intersection has proven to be quite the task.

Although I try to be open minded everywhere I go, I had to walk out of a service today. I walked in and wanted to leave. It was loud, and felt like every Christian millennial stereotype had come to life. The music was unfamiliar and not only bad art, it was about people and our feelings. I was there for 40 minutes and never heard the name of Jesus, never any iteration of his gospel. I had never felt so alone in a room full of people. I was growing more and more uncomfortable every minute I was there, and when there was a message without a single word of Scripture, I had to leave.

While I was still there, I took a moment to reflect on the church cultures and communities I've engaged in lately and wrote this list of why I'm not at your church


You preach based on emotion and feelings and never open a Bible. 

You will quote a sociology book before the Word of God. 

You will preach a biblical topic but use only maybe one verse or two stripped from its context to support your point. 

You sing lame "worship"  music about people and our feelings instead of Jesus. 

You go through half the service (or more) before saying the name of Jesus or reading His Word. 

You elevate marriage to the end all be all and leave no place for the content single. 

Your idea of community is confined to once a week dinners and don't know what to do with those who work evenings. 

I love my Jesus and the church He died to save. I love my city and the people who are desperate for light and hope and abundant life. I am a 25 year old happily single Bible nerd, lover of church history and cherisher of old hymns. I value belonging to and serving a local church. I'm not giving up on my search for a Bible-loving, preaching, believing and living church in this city, but it's Sunday afternoon. I'm a little worn, a little sad, and just in case you are too, I wanted you to know I'm here.

The Bible in 66 Haiku

On December 31st, 2014, I started a Bible reading plan of epic proportions: read every book of the Bible, 20 times in a row. I added the challenge of turning each book into a 17-syllable haiku, and today, I wrote the last one. I alternated between the Old and New Testament and am aso thankful for the deep time spent in each book. The first few times I read a book, I was really just trying to understand what was happening. After awhile, you start finding these nuances and repetitions and how these small things play a big role in an even bigger story. Reading each book so many times in a row let me get past the average Bible study or sermon outline, and see things I'd never seen before.

Although every book was a tremendous and rich experience, a few stood out to me*: Deuteronomy, Exodus, Ecclesiastes, Philemon, Hebrews, James and most of all Luke. Luke was the perfect book to have such a strong experience to, as it came so early on and really set me up for the following year and a half I'd be spending on this project. I think more than anything else, reading Luke helped me remember what it's like to be hungry for God's word. When you're a Christian in America, the Bible is not in short supply. There are Bible teachers available online, even on your phone, not to mention your own local church. You can go to Bible studies and meet freely, you can have the Bible in any translation on your phone, your tablet, your kindle, your computer. You can go to Target, Barnes and Noble or a hundred other places and find entire shelves of options. Diving into Luke encouraged me to take advantage of this! I would read a chapter or two on my phone waiting in lines, or pull out my kindle waiting for an appointment or killing some time. I wanted to enjoy the riches of His grace.

In these last 20 months or so, I've read the Bible the equivalent of at least 20 times all the through, not including the reading I did outside of "the plan" (which I did quite a bit of), for Bible study, for Sunday School teaching, and for church itself. Just this morning, the last thread of binding gave out, and the five pieces my Bible was in turned into six. It's a beautiful and emotional, tender thing for me to see, this Bible, well-loved, because I know the time spent there and how God met me in those pages. It turns me soft just looking at it. I had decided awhile ago not to replace it until I finished all the haiku so I could write them all in and have them in one place. But I am also really excited about the new Bible because it will be nice not to have to worry about losing pages.

And as much as I loved the reading, I really loved writing the haiku. It was a creative balance to the intellectual and theological challenge of doing the intense reading. And now, I have the entire Bible in 1, 122 syllables.

Genesis
It was as God said
We disbelieved His goodness
He did as promised

Exodus
God is who He is
He gives the slaves their freedom
Back then, and today

Leviticus
Yahweh has rescued
He gives His laws to make us
Happy, holy, His

Numbers
Following the Lord
Is what's best for His people
Trust Him. He is good

Deuteronomy
Remember your God
His ways will be life to you
By His word, you live.

Joshua
Be strong, and let God
Fight all your battles for you
He's never failed you

Judges
Follow the leaders
Given to you from the Lord
They point straight to Him

Ruth
To love is to put
The interests of another
Ahead of your own

1 Samuel
They wanted a king
And said God wasn't enough
Look what that got them

2 Samuel
David had his faults
But God used him to shepherd
His flock. Go and do.

1 Kings
Sol had wisdom, but
It wasn't enough to keep
From falling apart

2 Kings
God's people left Him
But even in their exile
He remained faithful

1 Chronicles
Don't ignore the past
It will help you understand
The kingdom of God

2 Chronicles
Church has always been
Broken people God loves and
Leads despite themselves

Ezra
God's covenant is
The prevailing force throughout
Human history

Nehemiah
Devotion to God
Is best displayed in public
Fear no one but Him

Esther
God rules over all
Kings, times and people, even
Such a time as this

Job
We do not have to
Understand the mind of God
In order to worship

Psalm
This is who God is
He is worthy of our praise
Now and forever

Proverbs
Are you in a place
To receive wisdom from God?
Get there - run, don't walk!

Ecclesiastes
If life is a breath
Consider the One who breathed
Your life into you

Song of Solomon
Husbands and wives were
Designed for intimacy
And we are Christ's Bride

Isaiah
Your rescue will come
Undeserved, unexpected
You will see the King

Jeremiah
I know your failure
But I am coming for you
You will be made new

Lamentations
When all hope seems lost
Remember the Life-Giver
His mercy comes new

Ezekiel
God brings renewal
To the driest of dead bones
He loves to give life

Daniel
At the end of days
There will be one kingdom
Messiah will stand

Hosea
God's pursuit of us
Does not depend on our faith,
But on His great love

Joel
Repent, Christ will come
All rebellion will be judged
Every promise kept

Amos
Judgment does not mean
God forgot His covenant
It means He's kept it

Obadiah
God rules the nations
Out of the depths, His people
Find resurrection

Jonah
If you know the Lord
But you don't know who you are
You've missed the good news

Micah
Nations will be judged
The royal ruler will bring
Peace for God's people

Nahum
God is still sovereign
His enemies will perish
His people will thrive

Habakkuk
In the best of times
In the worst of times, God is
Still doing great things

Zephaniah
The day of the Lord
Will come; how will you be found?
Seek Him, and rejoice

Haggai
Rebuild the temple
All things are for My glory
I will be with you!

Zechariah
Remember what was
Repent, and look forward to
The One who will come

Malachi
God loves the faithless
He's coming to the rescue
Watch, and be amazed


Matthew
The prophets told us
Messiah would come - He did
Christ died and He lives

Mark
Jesus is God's Son
When we gain this knowledge, we
Respond in worship

Luke
Jesus knows our hearts
He wanted them so much that
He died to heal them

John
Jesus is the light
By which we see everything
This light is our life

Acts
The name of Jesus
Is our saving foundation
Let us build on that

Romans
We who died to sin
Have life in Christ to be shared
With one another

1 Corinthians
Dear Church, I love you
Get over your sin and live
United in Christ

2 Corinthians
Oh! Hello again!
Your life is all grace - live it
Spread knowledge of Christ

Galatians
There is only one
Gospel that leads to life
Love it and live it

Ephesians
You are now in Christ
You have been saved by His grace
To be His body

Philippians
Christ brought Himself low
That we would count all as loss
And have peace in Him

Colossians
Live as people who
Were created for God's glory
You are with Jesus

1 Thessalonians
The gospel means we
Have the truth with which we can
Encourage the church

2 Thessalonians
God will be faithful
To the body that stands firm
And clings to Jesus

1 Timothy
Jesus came to save
Now, this is how a redeemed
People should respond

2 Timothy
Remember Jesus
You won't regret anything
You do in His name

Titus
We have seen God's grace
He's redeemed us from our past
So, we do good works

Philemon
Slaves become brothers
The bound are called beloved
By the work of Christ

Hebrews
You know the high priest?
The atoning sacrifice?
His name is Jesus

James
Works cannot save you
But when you have faith in Christ
You won't do nothing

1 Peter
Your reality
Will always be the gospel
You are safe in Christ

2 Peter
Don't be tempted by
The false promises of sin
God is truth. Live it

1 John
To the beloved
Christ Jesus is your whole life,
The eternal life

2 John
Brothers and sisters,
Love one another; obey God
Abide in the truth

3 John
Beloved, love truth
Abide in it, work for it
For God is the truth

Jude
You who have received
The truth of God's salvation
Don't be led astray

Revelation
We look forward to
The fullness of victory
We have in Jesus

*Now that I've gone back and read all the haiku, I am totally enamored with every book all over again, and I'm pretty sure they're all my favorite.

Before and After and After

For the last week and a half, I haven't been able to stop reliving one of the most stunning moments of my life. I couldn't figure out why it was on my brain, and then I realized it had been one year since it happened.

I've written about my friendship with Christina and how it's grown both of our faiths and our whole lives, but I appreciate September 1st, 2015 more now than I did then.

Sometimes when I'm at PCC, I remember standing in the aisle trying to pick a flavor of sparkling water, and finding out some of my most desperate, pleading, raw prayers had been answered. I remember talking to Christina on the phone - a rarity for us - and hardly understanding a word that she'd said. I remember thinking the only response that made any sense at all was Praise Jesus.

Sometimes I go back to that time in March 2014 when Christina's pastor and counselor asked her to gather people to pray specific things over her for a season and she invited me into that. Because I'd already been praying for her, with a love far above the capacity of my own. I'd been praying for her in the first messes of our getting to know each other, through her time as a weary counselor as a Christian camp, through the time she stayed with me right before her already crumbling world completely shattered.

There was a before, but it was really setting us up for the after.

I remember praying for the best case scenario, while praying strength through the back up, and help in coming to terms with the worst. I remember feeling so conflicted about these tiers, because I absolutely believe that God can do anything, but I also know that sometimes what His plan is not ours.

I remember when it looked like the worst was inevitable and still trying to believe that God was able to do the impossible. If you have ever prayed for something impossible with all your heart, you know. You know how to wrestle with hope and conviction that God is sovereign and Jesus is King, but understand that even if He doesn't move how you most desperately desire Him to, He is still after your good and your joy.

I remember when the worst was happening right before our eyes and it looked like God was about to do a miracle.

I remember those 24 hours of waiting, when we'd find out if it was a sick joke, or absolutely real.

And I remember with every fiber of my being receiving a message:



It's over.



Relief. Beauty. Awe. Glory.


It's been a year since then, and the darkness hasn't been magically transformed into rainbows and sunshine. I don't think the darkness will fully lift until the new heavens and the new earth are established and the Son of God is the only light we need. And I also think that if things had been the worst, we all would have been held and we would still be here a year later saying that "Until now, the Lord has helped us", ebenezer!

The moment is in the grocery store is an ebenzer for me, a moment that I can hold on to and point at and said "Look! Look at what God has done" But even beyond the miracle He did there, the work he did in my heart was tremendous. He led me through a place of wilderness, of coming to terms with the even if not, the even if He does not respond to me the way I desire. It was not a "If You do this, I will love, trust and praise You", it was a "If You do this, I will love, trust and praise You, and even if not, I will do the same".


Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. 

Job 1:21 


I have been hunted like a bird by those who were my enemies without cause; they flung me alive into the pit and cast stones on me; water closed over my head; I said, 'I am lost.' 

I called on your name, O Lord, from the depths of the pit; you heard my plea, 'Do not close your ear to my cry for help!" You came near when I called on you; you said, 'Do not fear!" 

You have taken up my cause, O Lord; you have redeemed my life. 

Lamentations 3:52-58 

Friendship

On my 25th birthday, I shared these beautiful words by Nayyirah Waheed

And I said to my body, softly, 
"I want to be your friend" 
It took a long breath and replied, 
"I have been waiting my whole life for this" 

This is my intention for this year, and for the rest of my life.

My body has done amazing things for me, as a gymnast, as a sprinter, as a distance runner, as a pole vaulter, as a coach, and now as a yogi. But I have never been a very good friend to it. This spring, when I was struggling again - so much that several of my coworkers were concerned - I returned more or less to normal physically, but mentally, I asked why instead of how.

I imagine that there are people who get a message from their body about a need, and ask how they can fill it. They are tired so they sleep, they are full so they stop eating, they are cold so they put on a sweater, their clothes are too big so they alter them or get new ones, they are hungry so they eat.

I, on the other hand, have made why my home, why does my body think it needs that? Why is it trying to trick me?

I am tired, so I drink coffee 

I am full so I throw up

I am cold so I start moving more

My clothes are big so I blame vanity sizing for making extra smalls to big, or age for wearing them out

I am hungry, so I consider all I've eaten and done and ask if I really need anything else.

If you are in the first camp, this may sound insane to you, but it has often been my reality. I read Waheed's words, and I feel like now, finally, I am ready to accept the friendship my body has offered me.

I had the privilege this week to have some beautiful pictures taken by a photographer visiting from LA (@nyamaste on instagram if you want to check him out). I am finally seeing the beauty in myself that others have been telling me about from the last year or so. All my body wanted was yada - to know, to be known, to be deeply loved and respected.  I think I can do that now.

Here are some of my favorites:

 

Can you guess which one is my number one ;)

Beloit - Did you like it?

This week, my dear sister in Christ Abigail was killed in a tragic car accident, along with her fiance. There's not really a gentle or casual way to say it. I was shocked, I am sad, but I am also sure, sure that she is with Jesus, sure that I will see her again.

Yesterday, an incoming senior in high school considering Beloit asked me if I liked it. I've written before about how much I love and appreciate Beloit, but this week, the sentiment feels especially strong. Watching the Beloit community mourn Abigail and Darrell's deaths, and celebrate their lives is so striking, so beautiful, so warming.

Beloit is a place where you are known. While there are some anonymous beloiters, they are few and far between. I don't have the words to express what my heart feels for Beloit this week, but suffice it to say -

Yes. I liked it very much.

Dialoguing With Discomfort

A lot of people hate trying new things. But I really really really hate them. You can ask my parents. I bet my dad could still tell you what I ordered at subway as a child because it was the exact same for years on end. I've read the same books, watched the same movies and series, over and over dozens of times because I like them and don't want to try to invest in a new one. I had to be dragged to track in high school and refused to pole vault until the intimidating men's coach pulled me out of a workout one day and told me I was going to. Every time I've been about to begin a new journey - most memorably my internship after my freshman year of college, studying abroad - I've spent the week leading up to it figuring out how to get out of it at the last minute. Most social situations are extraordinarily uncomfortable for me. I've been thinking about visiting a new church for the last several months, but have bailed the last three weeks I said I was going to. (I am absolutely going to tomorrow.

I feel like I've made some progress over the last few years, but there are still moments. I can get physically sick from it, as though I have the flu. I get anxious every time I go to a new yoga studio, even when I know the teacher. My chest can get unbearably tight at the thought of change or something new.

I can't even really pinpoint what causes my severe aversion. I like being comfortable, but so do most people. And not everyone has such a hard time.

My schedule changed at work this week, and even though it's good and I like it, I still need time to process the change. Talking about my anxiety made me anxious. And there's a pending new church visit tomorrow. So even when people I like asked me to do something I really like, I still turned them down. I couldn't possibly be social today because I need today to feel normal and easy.

 I walked to yoga this morning and I laid on a block with my heart open and I started crying. These things really do manifest in your body.

Speaking of reading the same books over and over again, every time I re-read Hellbent: Obsession, Pain, and the Search for Something Like Transcendence in Competitive Yoga by Benjamin Lorr,  I find something new to ponder. While these quotes are references to the physical pain and discomfort in extreme postures, I find them applicable to the emotional trauma that reveals itself in movement. 

"When you do a posture, you must choose to remain in it. You must choose to ignore the pain, choose to continue to explore your body. The pain is a phantom; ignoring it is a choice. Yoga makes us confront that choice. It makes us free to choose" 

"To really backbend, you have to become intimate with pain, not as an informational entity that raises awareness, not as a warning, but as a phenomenon, a presence you can dialogue with. You have to engage the phenomenon every time it comes up, and ultimately move through it while it screams in you face" 

This is the only pose I can think of that I am actually afraid of. It makes me so uncomfortable, not because I'm not strong or flexible enough, but because it feels unstable, unsafe.  Letting myself be in it, and stay in it, is how I open up that conversation with discomfort.