Costly Grace

"Costly grace is the gospel which must be sought again and again and again, the gift which must be asked for, the door at which a man must knock. Such grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. It is costly because it costs a man his life, and it is grace because it gives a man the only true life. It is costly because it condemns sin, and grace because it justifies the sinner. Above all, it is costly because it cost God the life of his Son: 'Ye were bought at a price', and what has cost God much cannot be cheap for us. Above all, it is grace because God did not reckon his Son too dear a price to pay for our life, but delivered him up for us. Costly grace is the Incarnation of God"              Dietrich Bonhoeffer

The highlighted line is the one that's been running through my head for days. The cross is real. The blood is real. The pain, the suffering, the agony, the sacrifice are all real. Sin is real, and the cross became the only way. Every day, I see how my motives are still wrong, how sin is in my life. If it weren't for Christ, I would be a dead man walking. 

But because of Christ, I am the recipient of grace. The Amplified Bible amplifies grace with "unmerited favor" or "blessing" I love reading that. It is only grace that makes the filthy clean. It is that unmerited favor that helps the helpless into the promise. Writes Andrew Murray in Abide in Christ, "You knew what sin was, but had not the power to conquer, because you did not know or believe how entirely Jesus would take charge of you to keep and to help you"  

For fun, I looked up "justify" in the dictionary. This is what I found: 

1. to show (an act, claim, statement, etc) to be just or right

2. to defend or uphold as warranted or well-grounded

3. to declare innocent or guiltless; absolve; acquit. 

You are saved once, but Christ stands ever at the throne declaring you innocent before His Father. He continues to show us to be just, to be right. Jesus is our defender. And thus, the costly grace is not needed once, but daily. Our iniquity must be revealed, our sin condemned, so that we recognize the grace that's been given. 

Lecrae in "Boasting" says it like this:  

"Every glance, every dance, every note of a song.It's all a gift undeserved that I shouldn't have known.Every day that I lie, every moment I covetI'm deserving to die, I'm just earning your judgment.I, without the cross there's only condemnation.If Jesus wasn't executed there's no celebration."

And 
"God has never been obligated to give us life.

If we fought for our rights, we'd be in hell tonight.Mere sinners owed nothing but a fierce hand.
We never loved him, we pushed away his pierced hands.
I rejected his love, grace, kindness, and mercy.
Dying of thirst, yet, willing to die thirsty.
Eternally worthy, how could I live for less?
Patiently you turned my heart away from selfishness.
I volunteer for your sanctifying surgery.
I know the Spirit's purging me of everything that's hurting me."

Needtobreathe in "Keep Your Eyes Open"

"I know pain is just a place the will has been broken"

I'm pretty sure I've talked about "Boasting" in the past, but did you catch that line that's so conveniently enlarged for you? "If we fought for our rights, we'd be in hell tonight". If we tried to do it our way, we would fail! Do we need to talk about Adam and Eve. We are inept. To fight against the grace of God is turn down the gift of life. And to do so is to struggle with our wills, which is why I love the Needtobreathe lyric so much. The grace that God gives through Christ is costly. Costly grace hurts. It certainly hurt Christ. Costly grace forces the acknowledgment of sin; if you were not a sinner, what need would you have for grace? But when we hurt, when we feel the pain of our sin, our will has finally been broken. God's will has been revealed through the power of the Holy Spirit's conviction. 

Grace will cost you your old habits, your secret sins, your pride, your time, your money, your opinions, and your life. But it cost our heavenly Father the life of His Only Son. Jesus gave His life so you could have one. That's costly grace. 

Now Joshua was clothed with filthy garments and was standing before the angel [of the Lord]. And He spoke, to those who stood before Him, saying, Take away the filthy garments from him. And He said to [Joshua], Behold, I have caused your iniquity to pass from you, and I will clothe you with rich apparel. Zechariah 3:3-4

When God's Goodness Gets Old

You've all heard it, the phrase, "God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good" Or even just "God is good". It never gets any less true. God is never any less good. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, tomorrow and forever. Praise the Lord!

But sometimes saying "God is good" makes it feel stale. The pizza we ordered was good. The movie was good. The book was good. She's a good friend. The lecture was good. The candle smells good. Pizza and God just aren't even on the same level.

Despite the fact that I've been out of Senegal for nearly five months now, I find myself saying, "Yalla bax na" as I pray, as I text friends, as I read the Bible, as I worship, as I pause through out my day. Yalla bax na. It's special for me. It means the exact same thing - God is good - but I don't run around all day saying, "this book bax na" It's something sacred, reserved for the Holy One.

We visited another church today, we talked about the Lord giving grace for us to dig deep into our iniquity and to walk from darkness into light.

Thank God that in darkness, the light looks even brighter.

Yalla bax na

For once you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord; walk as children of Light Ephesians 5:8 

This is what I drew as the pastor finished his message 

Grace To Obey

(Quick shout out to Beloit College! Happy Homecoming, especially to the lucky runners hitting my favorite course tomorrow! And a thank you to Beloit, who is giving me a more fulfilling education than I ever could have imagined)

Because the last 9 months or so have been so incredibly chaotic (did you realize I've moved 4 times, and lived with a total of five families?!) I hope it doesn't come as a terrible surprise that I am still processing and putting pieces together.

I was thinking about how I often felt dry this summer. I was teaching Sunday school and reading/talking theology with my pastor and his wife and playing guitar for worship and studying the Bible and praying - overall, I was more plugged into the church than I have ever been and yet, God felt the least real to me as He ever has. I am so thankful that it is not based on how I feel, but on the fact that Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. He gave me the faith to worship and love and trust and serve Him even during that thirsty time, but I knew I needed more.

Being in Senegal, I daily depended on God to be my comfort, deliverer, strength and provider. He was my Father and best friend. I went on ministry trips, and worshiped with the minority every Sunday. I attended quad-lingual Bible studies twice a week. I saw people so desperate for the Lord Jesus that they were willing to turn their backs on parts of their culture, their families, everything they knew. I shared the gospel with people who had never heard it. It was extraordinary, and like nothing else I'd ever before experienced. So when I stepped back into American Christianity in your average, mostly white, traditional, Evangelical Free setting, it all felt different. That felt more foreign to me than singing besub tey jii yalla moo ko def.

And now I'm here. Mangi fii. I still say yalla bax na when I read a wonderful verse or have a great time of prayer and worship. But I'm just saying, the Spirit is moving here. There's an authenticity, characterized by vulnerability and gut wrenching revelations of deep, cherished iniquity. It's a painful process, to be stripped bare before the throne of God, but He is able to fill me with His goodness and truth. He has the power to conform my heart and mind to His own perfect will, through obedience to the Holy Spirit.

I read The School of Obedience by Andrew Murray, and in it he says,
"Christ's obedience is the treasury out of which, not only the debt of our past disobedience is paid, but out of which the grace for our present obedience is supplied"

And on the slow process of knowing God, Rick Joyner gave a lecture to us in which he said,
"It took them one night to get out of Egypt, but forty years to get the Egypt out of them"

We are given the grace to love God, and to live according to His purposes, but we are not immediately perfected. The work Christ began will be brought to completion, but not yet.

Here are some verses God's been working into my heart lately. I'm loving the Amplified. Can't help it.

Let him sit alone uncomplaining and keeping silent [in hope], because [God] has laid [the yoke] upon him [for his benefit]. Lamentations 3:28 

Mary took a pound of ointment of pure liquid nard [a rare perfume] that was very expensive, and she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped them with her hair. And the whole house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. John 12:3. My friend Lady V had that one for me during group prayer the other day, and it so speaks to my heart right now! 

Establish my steps and direct them by [means of] Your word; let not any iniquity have dominion over me. Psalm 119:133

He restores my soul. He leads me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Psalm 23:3 

Therefore also now, says the Lord, turn and keep on coming to Me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning [until every hindrance is removed and the broken fellowship is restored]. Joel 2:12

This last one is particularly strong. God is relentless in our pursuit of us, but also in His process of sanctification. At the start of a new journal, I always pray for a verse for the season of my life that it will be for. This is the verse that I got. 

I know I've posted it before, but Aaron Keyes' "Sovereign Over Us" is so good. No matter how hard it feels, His plans are still to prosper! 

Oh, and here are the books I've read lately: Jesus Plus Nothing Equals Everything, The Knowledge of the Holy, Dietrich Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Prophet, Martyr, Spy, The School of Obedience, Miniskirts Mothers and Muslims, There Were Two Trees in the Garden, and I'm currently reading Abide in Christ and The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment. 

God Answers

A Poem by John Piper

Is there a word to help us feel
     the weight of Adam's fall?
          All.

How heavy will this burden weigh,
     (Spare not!) on those who fell?
          Hell.

O Lord, so great this forfeiture!
     Was there sufficient reason?
          Treason.

Then whence could any traitor hope
     before your burning face?
          Grace.

But surely that will cost beyond
     our wage. How is it priced?
          Christ.

Entirely paid? By him? O God,
     and is that gift for me?
          Free.

I would receive this gift, O Lord!
     How soon would you allow?
          Now.

Whet the Appetite

I have a lot to say, I promise. I just don't have any time to say it here. So here are some points for your consideration in the meantime.

If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me. Psalm 66:18

Ezekiel 28. Seriously, it's worth reading the whole thing. There's a link and it'll even open in a separate window for you.

"It is not imitation that makes sons; it is sonship that makes imitators" Martin Luther

The pride of your heart deceives you... Obadiah 1:3a

When Jonah Got Duped, Nineveh Got Grace

When I was a child, I loved the story of Jonah and the great fish. I mean, who wouldn't? A man got eaten by a fish and then the fish puked him back up. That's pretty epic. But now, I love Jonah's story because I see how it's my story. I've never been eaten by a giant fish, but I have been disobedient to God, and that's what this story is really about: disobedience, and God's sovereignty.

In the first three verses of this book, the Lord tells Jonah to go to Nineveh, and Jonah immediately flees from the presence of God. Jonah was close enough to hear God speak to him, but he didn't like what he heard, so he up and left. But as Jonah tried to escape, he got trumped by the sovereign Lord. God sent a great storm upon the sea. What I found interesting was that when Jonah is asked who he is and what he does, his answer is, "I fear and worship the Lord" (1:8-9). His identity is held within the Lord, yet he fled from his presence. He claims to worship God, but he does so only when it's convenient. I'm sure none of you are like this, but it's sure nailing me.

To continue, in verse 17, it says that the Lord prepared the great fish to swallow up Jonah. God knew. Jonah was cast out from God's presence (2:3-4). And then, what really gets interesting, is when Jonah speaks out against idolatry. Jonah loved his own comforts and his life more than serving the Lord. Yet this is what he says about those who worship idols:

Those who pay regard to false, useless, and worthless idols forsake their own [Source of] mercy and loving-kindness. 2:8

Does he even realize that's exactly what he did? He had the Lord ever before him, and didn't even want Him. 

Yet, there is repentance. He sacrifices with the voice of thanksgiving, and the Lord causes the fish to vomit him out (2:9-10). 

And after this whole debacle, God tells Jonah again, Go to Nineveh, and preach the words I tell you. And this time, Jonah gets up and goes (3:1-3). Jonah's way better than I am. It only took two prompts from the Lord. It's often taken me many more than that. In any event, Nineveh's people turn from their evil works and believe in God after no time at all, and God revokes His anger from them (3:8-10). 

Jonah loved God. Now the people of Nineveh loved God. And that made Jonah angry (4:1). As he saw it, he'd been punished by God for being disobedient, and those crummy Ninevehans had their sentence revoked with no consequence. 

I think this is perfect illustration of legalism vs grace. Legalism tells us that if we are good enough, if we just praise God and follow His statutes, we will escape judgment and wrath. Grace tells us that Jesus was good enough for us. He overcame our wickedness. He took the wrath of God so that we wouldn't know it. When our lives are hidden within the lives of Christ, we no longer have to struggle to do the right things in order to be free. No, it is that very freedom of the Holy Spirit that propels us towards the righteousness of following the Lord. 

Therefore I Will Punish You

Yesterday, we had a class on the five patterns of iniquity outlined in Isaiah 14 (verses 13-14).

1) "I will ascend into heaven" This is when we try to earn our salvation through works.

2) "I will exalt my throne above the stars of God" This is competitiveness, self-exaltation, and stopping at nothing to be the best .

3) "I will also sit on the mount of the congregation" This is the deep desire to be the center of attention, and the feeling of entitlement to everyone's full captivation.

4) "I will ascend about the heights of the clouds"This is all about escapism. It is easier to check out of this world than to follow Christ in it; life is lived in a fantasy world.

5) "I will be like the Most High" This is the attempt to place ourselves on equal ground with God. This is a disregard for authority at its worst.

We talked about how iniquity is a motives issue. It's about our wills. We also talked about how God disciplines and corrects us because of His love for us. He really is like a father in that sense.

 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:7-11

The Holy Spirit so wants us to be like Jesus that anything less than correction is not love. God's love will not be magnified in us if the motives of our hearts do not change. 

Then this morning I read Amos 3:2

You only have I known (chosen, sympathized with, and loved) of all the families of the earth; therefore I will visit upon you all your wickedness and punish you for all your iniquities. (AMP) 

Often we hear parents explain, "We still love you, but we are going to punish you". But God says, "I love you, so I am going to punish you"