Sleeping and Praying

I got yelled at for not blogging yesterday. But before I went abroad I was 2-3 posts a week average, so I think everyone should give me a break.

Anyway, I'm still a bit jet lagged. I go to bed before 9 and wake up at 5, though I can usually go back to bed a bit. I've been playing guitar a lot and doing laundry and getting ready for a trip up north this weekend. I am so excited to be able to support my track team. I even picked up some sticky tape as a gift for Liztowne in hopes it will raise her confidence and get her soaring to new heights.

Today I was driving and I was listening to one of my "Senegal songs", Hear Us From Heaven, and I started tearing up. I thought of singing that song on the rooftop of the Baobab Center, of the petitions for the people of Senegal. It reminded me that even though I'm home, I can and should continue to intercede for this country.

I Miss The Air

I managed to stay up until 8pm, and slept until 5:30. I didn't want to get up, though, because I knew I really needed sleep, so I stayed in bed until I fell asleep again until 9. I just hung out around the house - playing guitar, doing laundry. Little things interested me, be it the liquid detergent, or even using the laundry machine at all. I ate things that had flavors I was not used to anymore. I met up with my sister (I drove!) and ate pad thai and had my first starbucks in four months. So much has changed with her, it's very strange. 

My mom made awesome burgers with fries and asparagus, which is one of my favorite vegetables. Around 6, I got really tired like I could almost fall asleep. My dad has been really great with letting me talk about Senegal, and he asks questions which helps too. 

I realized, though, that what I miss most today are some of the smells and just the way the air is. It's hard to describe, but I feel an ache for it deep in my heart. 

Laayila

Laayila

Ask me how many times I said/thought that in the last 12 hours, and I couldn’t even begin to guess.

First of all, middle of the night does not scream Kate’s time of day. After a lot of confusion all day, a taxi man from ACI came to pick me up at 10:20pm. Bintou, my host aunt, was so sad, as was Aida, my homonym. My whole family and my friends greet everyone back in the US, and send God’s favor upon you. It was sad to leave, but also kind of unreal. Bintou ran out to the taxi to give me fattaya to go (fried meat/onions) and benay (basically donut holes), even though I’d eaten a full dinner and a bunch of these fried oily snacks just moments ago. I gave it to the taxi man, who appreciated it.

I chatted with the taxi man, and we got to the airport well before 11. He just dropped me off, though, without any direction. I asked one of the many people circulating, and was told to go to my airline to print an itinerary. Check. In order to actually go inside the airport, you need your passport and itinerary. I quickly found the South African Air check in, and weighed my bag – 16.35kg; I don’t know how that converts, but I know I didn’t have any fees. Then when I weighed it for real to check in, it was only 16.2. Then was disaster line time.

There was one enormous line for passport control. I was so hot and sweaty. You have to fill out a form saying what your address is where you’re going and where you just were, as well as other basic info. Then they scan your finger prints (right pointer, then left), and take a picture. Finally, you get to go through security, which is similar to the US, but I didn’t have to take my scarf or headband off, and there were no full body scanners. Finding my gate was easy enough. Before you can get on the plane, they check through your bags (by hand), give you a pat down, and re-examine your passport. My guy was really fun – we spoke 5 languages in the few minutes we were together! He was impressed that I could return greetings in Pulaar and Serer, as well as English, French, and Wolof.

Because of weather issues, our flight was extra long. I didn’t sleep too much, but I did watch Joyful Noise. We got a sandwich but I didn’t take it, opting just for water and rest.  My stomach was quite upset from all the fattaya We had breakfast about two hours before landing and it was pretty gross. I just ate the fruit and yogurt. We had to fill out a customs report. I was paranoid and declared basically everything – clothing, tea, spices, jams, purses

As this flight was landing, my other flight was boarding. I was told I’d be put on the next available flight. I went to customs, and the line was really short. Go figure, not that many people at the airport at the crack of dawn. The officer didn’t even turn over my report to see what I’d declared. Seriously, didn’t even take a glance. He just said, “Senegal, was that a vacation?” I wish I were cool enough to go to Senegal on vacation during finals week! Haha.

I met and chatted with a girl named Kayla coming home from a semester in Botswana – on the same program as some of the Beloit girls I know, including a former roommate! Small small world, I’m telling you.

My bag didn’t even get looked through – not even by a scanner. Not that I’m complaining, but customs really was a big joke on my life this morning. 10 minutes maybe. I went to go talk to customer service about a different flight, but they said they were waiting for me, and if I ran, I could make it before they closed the gates. So I re-checked my bag, and hustled on over to gate C19.

Everyone was surprisingly friendly, and even teased me a bit. As I ran through, I did have my first moment of whoa that’s different – no one talked to each other! No greetings, not even brief ones. But for the most part, I didn’t even have time to register what was going on around me.

So Chicago bound I am. It’s really just now starting to hit me. I cringed when they said the temperature was 58 degrees and windy with some haziness. I still have the image of Bintou in my head, waving as I drove away.  Djiby had called me right as I was getting to the airport, saying that there just weren’t words for right now. He said if he’d been at the airport with me, I’d be watching his tears fall. I’ve gone in waves of getting teary eyed. Even little things – like all the foods I was so excited for, I’m not even so invested anymore. I’d just as soon grab a mango and a bag of yogurt. In this, I think I’ve begun to own the fact that my ideas of what daily life should look, sound, smell, feel, and taste like have changed. Four months is not that long, but it is long enough. Doesn’t it take you 28 days to adjust to a new way of living? I’ve done 28 days several times over. It’s not that one country is necessarily better than the other; they are just so different. Is there really a way to compare them fairly?

My parents were waiting for me by the baggage claim. They saw me and said, “Look who got some color! You look sharp!” My luggage was put on the flight I was supposed to be on, so we had to wait awhile, but it was fine because we had a chance to eat. It was crazy just having my mom whip out a $20 for me – I felt the urge to crumple it up in my hand. And then I got almost $16 back in change! Whoa.

The luggage came, and we went home so I could go to Footloose at my old high school. All the trees looked so green, and of course, there was grass. It thunderstormed for me, which was very much so appreciated. My mom had tons of food for me, including granola, cereals, peanut butter cups, ice cream, snickers ice cream bars, fruit leather, mangos, chocolate chip cookies, iced coffee, strawberry/chocolate/plain milk, donuts, other snacks, and my first dinner was tacos and nachos. YUM. My mom rocks. My dad took me to this play, which I enjoyed a lot. I had moments of being overwhelmed, like before we went in, when there were a ton of people, but none of them were really paying attention to one another – no greetings, no exchange. I felt strangely alone, and even a little scared; I wonder if my dad noticed me clinging to him, reaching for his hand. I also got randomly sad and teary during parts of the play, for nothing really related to anything but that which was happening in my head.

I’m having a hard time accepting that Senegal and the US are both my life, if that makes any sense. They’re so different that it kind of feels like I’ve dreamed one of them, and the real one changes depending on the hour.

My parents liked seeing all my stuff, and haven’t yet grown tired of me. My mom currently has her nose in my Senegalese cultural values book.

I took a bath. A hot bath. And I’m wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt that’s super clean. Oh yes, my mom cleaned my whole room for me while I was gone! Amazing! So thankful.

As far as all the foods, I’ve realized that now that things are in reach, it’s all ok. I don’t feel like I have to eat everything all at once.

I’m tired, but I’m still working on settling down. I think it’ll be awhile before I figure out a new normal again. Clearly, the greetings and learning to be together were really strong for me, as it’s the thing that’s made me most uncomfortable here (the lack of it). 

The End of the Beginning

Last week, we were urged to enter a photo contest in which we could submit four photos. Four photos that capture my Senegal experience? As I sifted through the hundreds, I found nearly two dozen that jumped out at me. In the end, I came up with these four, and I feel like they do a nice job.

Mangos: To me, this represents new experiences. Senegal was my first time outside the US. I ate new foods, met new people, went new places, and spoke new languages. I ate the first mango of my life, and experienced true community the eve of that first taste. Check out the maafe in the background – another new food, had in abundance. The colors are bright, the fruit itself is juicy, the rice dish full of flavor. Life is exciting. 

 Waterfall: This is beauty and adventure. It’s independence and awe. It’s freedom and satisfaction. God crafted our world so wonderfully, it’s simply remarkable. That day was so hot, but the water was refreshing and cool. It served as an oasis in the desert land, a reward for taking a chance.

Rooftops: This is the simultaneous smallness and largeness of the world. As a student at a college of less than 1500, I was amazed that I could be in a city of 1.5 million and feel like I was at home. I walked along the street and chatted with so many; they knew my name and learned my schedule. They noticed when I wasn’t there, or when I came late. And yet, there was so much I never saw. Looking out from the roof, I can see so much more than I will ever know.

Attaya: If I had just one image to capture Senegal for me, it would be this one. It’s everything: Dakar time, nit nitay garabam, teranga, friendship, learning, tasting, seeing, smelling, no ko bokk. I’m on the ocean, watching the waves ripple out for miles, but seeing the same water crashing on the rocks right in front of me. I sit under the sun, with warm attaya on my knee, with a now close friend at my side. Attaya is the art of spending time with one another; it is not just the tea, it is about the person you share it with. I made attaya nearly every day here, and am really excited to share that with some of you. It was such a huge part of my life in Senegal, and I have my attaya pot ready to go.

My facebook album for the last week here was entitled, “the end of the beginning”. This trip really did a lot for me, much of which I don’t know how to put to words. I feel so much less afraid of things now. I feel so free, like there are a million possibilities out there. I know a lot more, and I know that there’s a lot more that I don’t know yet. I gave a speech at my high school where I shared this little story: My friend Matt and I studied and practiced our French together. When we were first learning, we said to ourselves, “Man, if only we knew the past tense, we would be so competent”. We learned the past and soon after began thinking, “Ok, now we know this, but how do we talk in the future?” The future was mastered and we said, “But what we really need to know to gain fluency is how to say that we ‘would’ do something”. And on we went. With everything we learned, we found that it did nothing but reveal what we didn’t know. And that’s kind of how I feel about Senegal. Everything I learned has gone to show me that there is so much more waiting to be discovered. And that excites me.

For those of you who have been praying for me on this journey, thank you very much. This has been an unforgettable experience, and has helped shaped me into the person I’m going to be. I learned so much about the Lord here, and I am forever grateful for His gift of abundant life through Christ to me.

So, my bags are packed, and later tonight I’ll be catching a flight back to my first home. I say first home because, to borrow from some friends, “home is where your toothbrush is” I had an incredible home for this first part of 2012, and I know I’ll have a couple more the rest of this year. I am sure that what I learned in Senegal will continue to reveal itself as I transition back into the US.

Next time you hear from me, I’ll be stateside. 

Last Day/Culture Shock

I'm feeling really anxious. I couldn't sleep at all, and then I just jumped out of bed this morning and attempted to find tasks to do. I went to a really nice tailor who not only said he could get my skirt done by the time I left, he said if I sat down and enjoyed a coffee with him, he'd do it right then! Rock on! Then I stopped by the BC to check on how I was supposed to get to the airport. Allegedly, someone is coming to my house tonight, but I don't know what time. I tried to call Rama, but got her voicemail. If all else fails, I know how to take a taxi ;)

I spent time on the beach with Djiby, as he's leaving in a few hours for his own mini voyage. I'm looking to grab some ice cream after lunch and mostly just hang around. I need to shower at some point.

And my lovely friend Elizabeth Jane sent me some info on culture shock that I want to share with you guys. Ignore the part about the ice cream because I've had it way more here than I do in the US. Chocolate milk would be nice, though.

• Reverse Culture Shock
  
  One of the biggest challenges for students who participate in study abroad can be the difficulty in re-adapting to the realities in the U.S (otherwise known as "re-entry"). Many students who studied abroad went through many changes, re-examining their priorities, their values, and what they think of themselves and the U.S. The "return culture shock" may be more difficult than the "culture shock" they felt when abroad. If return culture shock is severe, it is important that students are able to seek help/counseling to help them through this.
  
  So what is reverse culture shock? First, let’s examine the process of re-entry. There are usually two elements that characterize a study abroad student’s re-entry:
  
  1. an idealized view of home
  
  2. the expectation of total familiarity (that nothing at home has changed while you have been away)
  
  Often students expect to be able to pick up exactly where they left off. A problem arises when reality doesn’t meet these expectations. Home may fall short of what you envisioned, and things may have changed at home: your friends and family have their own lives, and things have happened since you’ve been gone. This is part of why home may feel so foreign.
  
  Feelings You (as a returning student) May Experience
  
  The inconsistency between expectations and reality, plus the lack of interest on the part of family and friends (nobody seems to really care about all of your "when I was abroad" stories) may result in: frustration, feelings of alienation, and mutual misunderstandings between study abroad students and their friends and family. Of course, the difficulty of readjustment will vary for different individuals, but, in general, the better integrated you have become to the culture abroad and overseas lifestyle, the harder it is to readjust during re-entry.
  
  Reverse culture shock is usually described in four stages:
  
  1. Disengagement 3. Irritability and hostility
  
  2. Initial euphoria 4. Readjustment and adaptation
  
  Stage 1 begins before you leave the host country. You begin thinking about re-entry and making your preparations for your return home. You also begin to realize that it’s time to say good-bye to your overseas friends and to the place you've come to call home. The hustle and bustle of finals, good-bye parties, and packing can intensify your feelings of sadness and frustration. You already miss the friends you’ve made, and you are reluctant to leave. Or, you may make your last few days fly by so fast that you don’t have time to reflect on your emotions and experiences.
  
  Stage 2 usually begins shortly before departure, and it is characterized by feelings of excitement and anticipation – even euphoria – about returning home. This is very similar to the initial feelings of fascination and excitement you may have when you first entered the country where you studied. You may be very happy to see your family and friends again, and they are also happy to see you. The length of this stage varies, and often ends with the realization that most people are not as interested in your experiences abroad as you had hoped. They will politely listen to your stories for a while, but you may find that soon they are ready to move on to the next topic of conversation.
  
  This is often one of the transitions to Stage 3 of Reverse Culture Shock, which parallels the Culture Shock you may have experienced when you first entered the country where you studied. In fact, your transition into Stage 3 might occur sooner than it did when you first went overseas. You may experience feelings of frustration, anger, alienation, loneliness, disorientation, and helplessness and not understand exactly why. You might quickly become irritated or critical of others and of American culture. Depression, feeling like a stranger at home, and the longing to go back overseas are also not uncommon reactions. You may also feel less independent than you were abroad.
  
  Most people are then able to move onto Stage 4, which is a gradual readjustment to life at home. Things will start to seem a little more normal again, and you will probably fall back into some old routines, but things won’t be exactly the same as how you left them. You have most likely developed new attitudes, beliefs, habits, as well as personal and professional goals, and you will see things differently now. The important thing is to try to incorporate the positive aspects of your international experience with the positive aspects of your life at home.
  
  
  
  What Family and Friends Can Do
  
  Show interest. Returnees very much need to share their experiences with you. They overdo it, of course, and show far too many slides (and never ask you about your life during the last four months), but try to be kind. They don't mean to be rude; they're just excited.Don't be offended when they criticize their home country (which is also yours) and constantly compare it unfavorably with their overseas experience. They don't include you in their sweeping generalizations, and they don't mean you're a fool to like it here, so don't get defensive. They're just on edge and a little lost. Just smile and offer them another helping of their favorite ice cream (a national item sorely missed).
  
  
  Don't make them feel defensive. Sometimes, by not understanding how hard re-entry can be, family and friends make returnees feel that there's something wrong with them, that they should be happy and content, that there's no reason they should be having a hard time. Even if you don't understand, act as if you do.Don't pressure them to visit all the time. Parents and grandparents take note: give your loved ones some breathing room. Yes, it's rude of them not to come more often and stay longer, but at least they're back in the country!Don't spring family problems and responsibilities on them too soon. No doubt it's high time they started shouldering their share of family duties again, but give them a few weeks to get their balance.
  
  
  Above all, be patient. They're not going to act like this forever. Whatever irritating, insensitive, disturbing, or alarming things they do or say, don't take it too seriously. If they're still acting or talking like this after a couple of months, then you can start to worry.

Sleep Fail

This might be worse than the night before I left to come here.

11:34pm: turned off lights, attempted to sleep

~ 12:45am: stopped crying, fell into troubled sleep

2am: woke up, heard host dad's movie playing loudly and the low-flying planes.

4:20am: woke up, all jumpy

5:36am: gave up on sleeping.

Sacrifice

This is a story from Chicken Soup for the Soul

On Courage, by Dan Millman

"So you think I'm courageous?" she asked.
"Yes, I do."
"Perhaps I am. But that's because I've had some inspiring teachers. I'll tell you about one of them. Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at Stanford Hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liza who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her five-year-old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, 'Yes I'll do it if it will save Liza.'
"As the transfusion progressed, he lay in a bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, 'Will I start to die right away?'
"Being young, the boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give her all his blood.
"Yes, I've learned courage," she added, "because I've had inspiring teachers"


This story sincerely touched me. At five years old, this boy was willing to give his life that his sister might live. It took him only a moment to decide that he would lay himself down for her.

How beautiful.